Is there a part of you that is dreading this holiday season? Or do you already feel exhausted just thinking about all that needs to get done?
That used to be me, but I’ve shifted the way I approach the holidays and now find them more joyful, and do I dare I say…relaxing?
As we approach the shimmering lights of this holiday season, I want to offer a different approach for your upcoming holiday season.
In this solo episode, I'll share:
- A gift that came out of a dark and lonely Thanksgiving after my divorce. (It has a happy ending.)
- Why trying to create the perfect holiday season doesn’t leave you fulfilled.
- How shifting your focus toward how you'd like to feel can bring you more happiness.
- A 10-minute exercise that can create a happier holiday season.
So pop in those earbuds and take a listen as I help you view your holidays from a different perspective and how shifting just ONE thing can change the way you approach every holiday season from here on out!
You may never look at the holidays the same way again!!
XO,
Laurie
Click here to receive my “Holiday Feels Guide”
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Laurie James 0:07
Welcome to Confessions of a Freebird podcast. I'm your host, Laurie James, a mother divorcee, recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched A Memoir of Holding on and Letting go, a therapy junkie, relationship coach, somatic healer, and now podcaster. I'm a free spirit and here to lift you up. On this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions, and empowering conversations with influential experts. So you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds turn up the volume. And let's get inspired because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose driven life. One confession at a time.
Laurie James 0:56
Welcome, Freebirds, thank you so much for being here with me today. I wanted to do a little solo episode. With the holidays coming up. It's so important for us to take care of ourselves. The holidays come with mixed emotions based off of past experiences, current circumstances, and we often forget to take care of ourselves. So I'd love to just take a few minutes for you to think about how you can take care of yourself better this holiday season. I know we want to have that perfect table set and the meal to come out just right. And everybody else to feel good and comfortable and welcomed. But what about you?
Laurie James 2:14
I can remember so many Thanksgivings where I was so exhausted the next day after cooking for two and a half days and making sure the table was set just right. And I was left exhausted. So a couple of things that I've learned through the years is you don't have to put on a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving. You don't need to have every gift wrapped perfectly. You don't need to have the perfect brunch on Christmas morning.
Laurie James 3:08
What I'd love for you to do this holiday season instead is as you're preparing and as you're thinking about it, I'd love for you to wake up every morning or every time you're thinking about doing something for the holidays is ask yourself this question. How is this going to make me feel? Is this going to make me feel more anxious, more stressed? Or is this going to give me joy? Give me happiness. Because isn't that what the holidays are really about? Finding joy and happiness within.
Laurie James 3:54
I'll share a quick story about one of the Thanksgivings. One of my- it was actually the second Thanksgiving after I left my marriage. And two of my kids didn't come home for Thanksgiving. My other two in the morning were at their dads. For the previous 26 years I had cooked this gigantic meal for our family, our intimate family and any additional family members that showed up that year. And I didn't have any of that. We had made a decision to go out to dinner, which goes against everything I believe Thanksgiving is about and I was in a very dark place.
Laurie James 4:51
So while I was alone, for the morning and early afternoon by myself sitting in my little apartment, while my youngest children, my youngest, which is set of twins were at their dads doing homework, because they were in college at that point, I decided to put together a vision board. And yes, I did allow myself to feel the sad emotions, the triggers the feeling of loneliness during that time. But I also chose to think about what I wanted future holidays to look like.
Laurie James 5:47
So I spent a good hour and a half, two hours putting together this vision board of what I wanted to accomplish, and what I wanted the next year to look like. Now, this was five years ago. One of the things I will tell you, on a side note that came out of that vision board, is I put a picture of a couple that I found in a magazine that looked happy and cheery, they were clearly toasting with champagne on New Year's Eve. And I didn't do it because I thought that the man was attractive. But I did it because of the feeling that I got from this picture. And the really interesting thing that came out of this very dark Thanksgiving was Jeff, my partner and the person I'm dating right now and have been with for the last two years, he actually looks a lot like that person. So that's a roundabout way of saying that there can be good things that come out of dark situations.
Laurie James 7:21
And if you're struggling through this holiday season, it's an opportunity for you to- One, look at how you want your future holidays to look and feel. What did you like, What didn't you like? And what can you do differently, to create the experience that you want to create. And through that one of the things I did was this vision board. I also made sure that I wasn't spending as much time alone in future holidays. And I stood up and spoke for what was important to me, within my family.
Laurie James 8:11
But the other really important thing that I want to share with you is the importance of creating the holidays around not having the perfect table set, not having the perfect meal, but how you want to feel what is the feeling state that you want to create this holiday season for yourself. And then from there, what is going to give you and create that feeling state? Whether it's being relaxed, being connected with your family, and create the holidays around that. Being with loved ones, the ones that you connect with and making sure you spend time and not just give presents but be present with your family members. I know that's something that I haven't always done and it's something that I've learned to do. Because I know that that is one of the things that make helps me feel less alone.
Laurie James 9:26
So, I'm dropping in the show notes, a little exercise for you guys. It's called the Holiday Feels. And it is a quick maybe 10 or 15 minute exercise at the most that really walks you through and helps you identify how you want to feel this holiday season. And then there's also a little tracker. So you can go through, it covers about three weeks, you can print two pages out, if you want to really track, how are you feeling that day. And maybe what can you shift for the next day or the next week, to get closer to that joy, to the connection that we ultimately are trying to achieve I believe during the holidays, maybe it is different for you.
Laurie James 10:34
And get out of the rush of the holidays and having everything be perfect and making sure you're checking all the boxes, because our society or our family is telling us we need to. Find joy in the simple pleasures. And also, my last, but most important, is make sure you're doing things to take care of yourself, whether that's making sure you're getting enough exercise, and getting out in nature or going for walks, or scheduling a little time for yourself and going to the gym, or getting to yoga, or making sure you don't drop off of that meditation or that 5-10 minutes to really down regulate your system.
Laurie James 11:25
So with that, thank you so much for being here. Please let me know if this was helpful or if there's any other topics you want me to cover. As we go into the new year, I have some great ideas. But I ultimately want to make sure that I am here for you. And Happy Holidays to all of you. And I'm looking forward to my holidays with my loved ones and my family that I have created, which is very different from what I used to do and how we used to spend the holidays. But I know for me, I'm more relaxed. I am more connected, more present. And that gives me joy. So thank you for being here Freebirds. And we'll see you next week.
Laurie James 12:29
Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions of a Freebird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a free bird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at Laurieejames.com to learn how we can work together or to sign up for my newsletter. So you can receive tips on how to date and relationship differently and ultimately find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe, rate and review and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act also. Until next time.