Today is my 59th birthday and to celebrate, I’m sharing some of my personal transformation tips that have led me to reinventing myself over the last 10 years. It’s an introspective journey that has led to a happier purpose driven life and I want to gift YOU my insights with the hope that they will help you too!!
In this episode, I reflect on my life experiences, the wisdom I've gathered over the years, and share with you 8 tips that can help you create and embrace your best life in your 50s and beyond.
This week you’ll learn:
- How I manage to feel more alive now than when I was in my 40s.
- If it's too late for you to change your life.
- How we should all be looking at our age and sagging skin differently even in our youth-focused society that tells us we are old and washed up.
- My 8 life-changing tips so you can age gracefully. This isn’t just a phrase, but a way of life.
- How I approach my physical and mental health and how it keeps me thriving.
- Why healing your past and changing the way you show up emotionally can change your adult relationships and your happiness levels.
- My 80/20 rule.
- How to let go of what you don’t have control over and learn to focus on what you can change.
So, whatever your age today, I invite you to tune in and celebrate growth, transformation and the wisdom that comes with aging together!!
And don't forget to scroll down and rate this podcast! It’s the best gift I could receive today!!
With Much Gratitude,
Laurie
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL, MEDICAL OR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LICENSED THERAPIST IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LICENSED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL WITH RESPECT TO ANY MEDICAL ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Hey there Freebirds! Before we get started on today's episode, I wanted to get the attention of my local listeners here in LA.
I am offering a one-day retreat in Manhattan Beach on January 13, 2024, that's a Saturday from 9:30 to 4. And we are going to be working on our visions for 2024. There's going to be a little woo and a little work. We're going to be setting goals. There's going to be a great meditation down on the beach. And then there's going to be lunch involved. Plenty of coffee and tea and snacks to keep you going.
Spots are limited and they are filling up. So if you're interested, click the link in the show notes for more information and how to sign up, I'd love to see you there.
Welcome to Confessions of a Freebird podcast. I'm your host, Laurie James, a mother, divorcee, recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched A Memoir of Holding on and Letting go, a Therapy Junkie, Relationship Coach, Somatic Healer, and now Podcaster. I'm a free spirit, and here to lift you up. On this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions, and empowering conversations with influential experts. So you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds turn up the volume. And let's get inspired because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose driven life, one confession at a time.
Welcome Freebirds, although I'm recording this a week in advance, when this podcast drop, and it will actually be on my birthday. So happy birthday to me! And yes, Freebirds, I am officially on the back nine of my 18 holes of life. And honestly, I feel better, and I'm happier than I have been in over 10 years. But if I'm honest, I didn't get to where I am today without a lot of personal introspection, about how I made my past life choices. And taking care of my health, both my mental and physical health was important. And when I say that, I'm talking about both mind, body and spirit. As I've shared before, I've gone through some very dark times and have changed many aspects of my life, essentially completely reinventing myself in my early 50s. And I changed the things that weren't working for me any longer. It has been a shit ton of work, but I will say it's worth every ounce of effort. And our society doesn't necessarily value our elders or older people. Our society glorifies our youth. But one thing that youth will never have is wisdom. In fact, my oldest daughter at dinner last night was just commenting on how with age comes wisdom. And that's one thing to be celebrated. And don't get me wrong when I look in the mirror. There are times when I wish I didn't have as many wrinkles, as I do. And I also admit that I get a little help from a friend with some of those wrinkles and marionette lines.
There was a really funny book I ran across years ago that I bought, titled, Just When You're Comfortable in Your Own Skin, It Begins to Sag, and I couldn't believe how apropos that was. But happiness doesn't live on the surface of our skin. Happiness and true fulfillment live within us. And when we can tap into our years of wisdom, we become more comfortable in our own skin, regardless of how saggy it becomes.
Many years ago, I remember a friend wishing me a happy birthday and said "You look great for your age." And I responded "Well, thanks." And this is the youngest I'll ever be again. And that has been my mantra probably for the last 10 plus years. Because in this day, in this moment, I am the youngest I will ever be and you are the youngest you will ever be. So how do we create a life where we feel younger than our actual age, which I do and have more energy than you did 10 years ago. You have to be willing to change how you take care of yourself spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
And on my birthday today, I want to gift you eight tips that I have found helpful, as I've searched for more freedom in my internal and external world. And look, I'm a work in progress. But if you're willing to do that introspective work, build a relationship with your body. And listen to the messages it's sending you strive to become the best version of yourself. I think that's all we can ask. And that will lead to more freedom, more peace, more happiness in your second or third act.
So starting with my eight tips, one, we typically in midlife or beyond. We are past the Sandwich Generation, which is what I wrote about in my book, not always, but often. So one, I do have less worries in my life. My children are grown. And they're all happy contributing members to society. And I'm no longer caring for my aging parents. So those are two very big stressors that have taken a lot of weight off me, both emotionally and physically, because those two things can be very draining for us. But if you are still part of the sandwich generation, or you're still caring for your parents, even though your kids are grown, I have two episodes that touched on these topics. One that I dropped in July, July 27, titled The Sandwiched Generation and October 12th, Five Ways to Take Care of Yourself While Caring for Your Loved Ones. So you can go back and take a listen to those if you are looking for some support around that.
Number two, let go of what you can't control or change. And change what you do have control over. So what do I mean by that? Do an inventory of your life. Look at your personal, professional life, look at your friend group, look at your marriage, look at your family environment, and see where you are struggling the most. For me, it was my marriage. And as I've said before, I sat in therapy for five and a half years, trying everything in my power to save my marriage to no avail. And I knew in my heart that if I stayed in that marriage, my soul was going to wither away and die. So if there's a part of your life, in any of those areas that feels like it's dying, it's time to put it to rest or change that part about your life. And here's the thing. This is an ongoing process. We don't just do this once and everything is fine for the rest of our life. It's important even this time of the year at the end of the year, to take inventory of what is working and what isn't working in the various parts within our lives. And I'm not suggesting you need to leave your marriage to be happy. What I'm saying is to look at what is working and what isn't working.
Number three, understand what your values are, and make decisions based on your values and strengths. Know your worth, and don't under value yourself. If you're unsure what your core values are, I have a great exercise that I'll drop in the show notes for you. So you can take that exercise, it takes maybe 10-15 minutes. And it's really a great exercise or good reminder of what's important to you. Because although our core values typically don't shift that much through our years, they can change based off of the stage of life that we're in.
Learn to get comfortable living outside your comfort zone. Personal growth doesn't happen unless you move outside your comfort zone and try new things. Don't be afraid of making mistakes. Because that's how you're going to find your true north. Your compass of what is going to light you up. And what your purpose is while we're on Earth, start small. But we all need to be willing to try and fail. Otherwise, how would you ever know? And stay curious about things, don't get judgy. I have tried so many different things over the last five or six years after my twins were in high school and they were getting ready to leave the nest. I look at so many different things. I looked into starting a nonprofit, I looked into parent coaching, I looked into divorce coaching, which I do, do. But I tried a lot of different things. And sometimes we have to head down a path and see if it is a cul de sac or a dead end. And then turn around and try something new. It doesn't mean that you're a failure, it just means that that wasn't right for you. And you need to just go into a different direction.
Number five, I've said this before, heal your past and recognize the coping mechanisms or coping skills that helped you survive in your childhood, and how they might be showing up now, in your adult relationships. Typically, the way we survived in childhood does not lead to healthy relationships now, and change the way you show up for your relationships every day, because every relationship begins with us. A great place to start is through understanding your attachment styles and how we show up at our relationships. Again, attachment styles, they are a behavior, they're not a label. And I've recorded an episode in August on Attachment Styles, that you can go back and listen to if you're interested and didn't catch that one.
Number six, take care of your body and learn to love it for all that it's doing for you. Whether it's waking up every morning and thanking it, but get out and exercise every day. Making a habit out of exercise. It's so important as we get older, and I'm not a health coach. But based off of the research that I've done for myself, lifting weights, staying flexible with yoga or stretching are key components to staying healthy long term. Strength, flexibility and aerobic exercises, those three things I know are key to staying healthy. I read a really great book years ago by a guy named Atul Gawande and his book is titled Being Mortal and it talks about more end of life. But the subtitle was, the ultimate goal is not a good death, but a good life, all the way to the very end. And that is true for me, because after watching my parents die of a very slow death, both of them, more so my mom, it was heartbreaking, and I don't think that she would have chosen to have had her last 12 years of her life, be what they were. And since I wasn't able to ask my mom, what type of quality of life did she want, at the end, I did ask my dad. And what was interesting was that he didn't care, as long as he was capable of still sitting up and watching TV, he wanted to stay alive. I think part of his problem was that he was afraid to die, but I found that very interesting, where his bar was.
So what's your bar? As we are looking at the back nine of our lives, how do you want to live? And what quality of life do you want? I know that I want to enjoy every last breath that I have. So I want to do whatever I can to make sure that I have the best quality of life, which means exercising, eating healthy, doing things that are good for my mental health, addressing my emotional issues, surrounding myself with healthy relationships.
And number seven, which I just touched on is eating right. Feed your body healthy foods, not processed foods. And I'm not suggesting that you can't go out and have fun and have some alcohol for many, many years, probably 30 or more years, I've had what I call an 80-20 rule. Be good 80% of the time, and 20% you can go off and have that cake. Have a little extra wine or an extra cocktail if you want. But as long as you're doing and taking care of yourself, and eating well. And eating healthy foods, and getting enough protein and vegetables 80% of the time, go have fun.
And number eight, let go of what you don't have control over which for so many, that unnecessary worry, that always lives with us, the unnecessary worry, that leaves us so exhausted. See what you can let go of through my transformation and reinventing myself after I left my marriage. I had to let go of my identity, I had to let go of my marriage, I had to let go of so many beliefs. So what are you willing to let go of? So that way you can find more freedom within or in your external world.
So just a quick recap of the eight tips. First, I'm in a place in my life which you may not be where I do have less worries. Again, my kids are grown. I'm not caring for my elderly parents. So I guess my point about this is enjoy that window while you can. Second, let go of what you can't control or change and change what you do have control over. That's key. Don't stay stuck in something that isn't working for you any longer. Understand what your values are and make your decisions and choices based off of your values and strengths. Number four, learn to get comfortable living outside your comfort zone. Personal growth doesn't happen when we're comfortable.
Number five, heal your past. I've said it before and I mean keep saying it, and recognize what you, your coping mechanisms, that you used when you were younger, and change them in your adult relationships. Number six, take care of your body and learn to love it for all that it does for you. Number seven, eat right, and feed your body healthy foods, not processed foods. And eight, let go of what you don't have any control over. Which now that I'm looking at my eight, I think I also covered that in number two. But we'll keep number two as change what you do have control over. And we'll keep eight as let go of what you don't have any control over.
So I hope these tips were helpful for you a great reminder as we come to the end of the year, and think of it as a little birthday gift from me to you. And remember, nothing worthwhile in life is going to be easy. So we have to be willing to put in the hard work. But the reward is great. And it's worth it. I promise you. And remember if you need support in any of these areas, reach out. I have some available one-on-one coaching spots for the New Year available. And I'll also be having some other offerings coming up in the near future, so stay tuned. And thanks for being here freebirds.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions of a Freebird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a free bird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at laurieejames.com to learn how we can work together or to sign up for my newsletter. So you can receive tips on how to date and relationship differently and ultimately find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe and rate and review and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act also. Until next time.