Are you feeling the pressure to craft the perfect year?
I was, until I wasn't…I don't know about you, but it seems like everyone want's you to ‘create the best year of your life’ or 'create your best year yet."
While many are busy with their 2024 New Year’s Resolutions that have a small chance of succeeding, some of us are feeling overwhelmed with social media posts about goal setting and goal planning or New Year’s Intentions, in order to create our “best year yet.”
So, today's solo episode, I decided to take a different approach, because if I was feeling overwhelmed by all the marketing that was being thrown at me, I figured you might be too.
So instead of goal setting or New Year's resolutions let's focus on how we want to feel in 2024 so we can show up as our authentic self.
In this episode, I share:
- Why New Year's Resolutions often fail or lead us astray from ourselves.
- The freedom that comes with ditching traditional resolutions for personal growth...ahhh.
- Three pivotal questions to ask yourself as you begin the new year.
- Why small (turtle) steps create lasting lifestyle changes.
- The importance of honoring your own process as you work toward any goal.
- Two quotes that I came across this week that gave me permission to ease into the new year without the pressure of constant self-improvement and will help you too!
This year, choose what brings you joy and happiness so you can soar into midlife and beyond with intentional living.
Here’s to easing into 2024 together!
XO,
Laurie
Click here for my 2024 Goals Prep and Planner
Click here for my Core Values Exercise
Click here to receive “8 Things You Should Stop Doing In Midlife to Find More Freedom”
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Click here to purchase my book: Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go
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Laurie James
Welcome to Confessions of a Freebird podcast. I'm your host, Laurie James, a mother, divorcee, a recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go, a therapy junkie, relationship coach, somatic healer, and now podcaster. I'm a free spirit and here to lift you up. On this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions, and empowering conversations with influential experts so you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds, turn up the volume. And let's get inspired because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose-driven life. One confession at a time.
Laurie James
Hello, Freebirds. As we enter the second week of January, I am coming to you with a solo episode today. And as a somatic relationship coach who loves helping others date in relationship differently, I'm always connecting with what's happening in my body. And I also love helping clients do the same. Because as I've said in past episodes, there's so much information that our bodies hold. And as I listen to my body today, it's telling me that, frankly, I'm a little foggy. And I was a little edgy last night. And I'm also a little tired from the holidays.
Laurie James
I don't know about you, but I had a busy holiday season with my four daughters. And one of my nephews was over too and my boyfriend Jeff. And I loved every minute of it. We cooked together, we shopped, we opened presents, and it was a really wonderful holiday. But as I was thinking about what I also wanted to create for myself and in my business in 2024, I've noticed over the last week or two that I was just feeling overwhelmed with all the social media posts, New Year's intentions, resolutions, workbooks on goals, and creating the best year yet. And then I felt myself shutting down from overwhelm and overstimulation.
Laurie James
When I first started prepping for this podcast, I was going to talk about setting goals. Ways to make the year the best yet. Share the goal, prep, and planner I created for a podcast that I dropped back in December about goal-setting for 2024 in midlife. I was also going to talk about the Harvard review that I found and the five ways to set more achievable goals and the SMART goals, which are the specific measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. And I was on that bandwagon as well. And this time of the year, our society, companies, coaches, everybody's out there putting pressure on us to become the best version of ourselves and create new year's resolutions.
Laurie James
But research has shown New Year's resolutions typically don't last. I think it's something like 8% that actually follow through the end of the year. And I was allowing myself to get pulled in this direction too, until I didn't. So, after a month of Christmas prep, gift wrapping, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and a little getaway, oh, and then I stayed up way too late over New Year's Eve and ate and drank poorly. Now, I'm trying to re-enter into the new year and I've decided instead of putting so much pressure on myself, I'm gonna give myself space to ease into the new year and I want to invite you to do the same.
Laurie James
And as I vocalize this to you, and give myself permission to enter the new year with ease, I noticed my body relaxing. I have desires and goals for my business and personal life too, but it wasn't feeling authentic. And it wasn't the right approach for me, so I decided not to focus on those things in today's episode. Instead, I want to focus on four ways you and I can ease into the New Year together. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I'm not going to work towards what I'd like to create for myself and how I want to feel in the new year. It just means that I'm going to do it slowly and intentionally with self-compassion and ease. Because I know for me if I don't, I become overwhelmed like I said before, and then I just start spinning out.
Laurie James
So, as we begin the new year, honor what you need because we are all different. We achieve things differently. And that's the best way to become the best version of ourselves, is to start with honoring who you are, who I am. And that's the way I love to coach my clients as well. So, the four ways to ease into the new year, one, ditch the New Year's resolutions. New Year's resolutions, as I've said before, typically fail. And they're also about changing something we don't like about ourselves or something that we'd prefer not to address, like maybe the doctor is telling you to lose 10 pounds for your health, or you need to cut back on sugar, or your blood pressure is too high so you need to watch your salt intake and your food, whatever it is. What I have found is when it comes from a negative place, we don't stick with our New Year's resolutions. And then we feel like we failed.
Laurie James
Number two, ask yourself these three questions, instead of setting intentions or New Year's resolutions. First question is, how do I want to feel in 2024? Number two is how can I use the way I want to feel as my guide to finding more joy and happiness. And number three, what's one thing I can do every day that will help me feel the way I want to? And I encourage you to check in with your body each day to see if you're in alignment with how you want to feel in 2024. Because when we feel good, that will lead us to what we want or desire in life. Not checking off a box of goals. Sometimes that can be fulfilling and get us to where we want to go, but often, I know for me it has left me feeling empty, because I just checked a box and I got through my list. And now I still feel the same way.
Laurie James
So, we want to feel a sense of ease when we think about what I want to feel in 24 or what you desire and want in 2024. And we want to go with what feels light, what lights us up, what feels easy, because we are doing something we love. Whether you're an artist and you want to paint or you're a coach and you love helping others or you volunteer and that really lights you up to help others, and that feels rewarding. We want to steer away with what feels heavy and burdensome because we have enough of those. Our chores sometimes can feel heavy and burdensome, we need to do them. But what is going to bring you more joy and happiness? And how do you want to feel?
Laurie James
Number three, honor the process that works for you. I said this earlier, but everyone is different. All of our brains process information differently. We achieve what we want to achieve differently. And it's important to honor who you are, not what society tells you to be, not what your friends are doing, not what someone else wants you to do. It's what works for you. And if that's a vision board, is your speed, put together a vision board. Personally, I love vision boards and have created them for years. I love the creative process. And that has worked for me. The house I bought looks similar to one that I put on a vision board the second year after I left my marriage. On that same vision board, I put a picture of a really happy couple on New Year's Eve toasting champagne. About three and a half years later, when I met my current boyfriend, Jeff, I realized he looks a lot like the guy in that picture. That wasn't planned. I just really liked the vibe and the feel from that picture.
Laurie James
So, a vision board is a collage of images that represent what you want to bring in, what you want more of in your life. And if doing a workbook and goal-planning and goal-setting is your thing, go for it. I have a two-page goal-setting worksheet that I'll drop in the show notes that I created for a podcast that I put together back in December. And you're welcome to go back and listen to that as well. It's important for you to honor the process that works for you. And whatever process that is, I encourage you to take small steps towards what you desire and what you want, and how you want to feel in the new year. When we make big changes, like our complete diet, or change our daily routine, it's bound to fail.
Laurie James
What I have learned on my own and through my coaching training is that taking small slow steps towards what we want, is more sustainable, and we are more likely to bring them into our daily routine and keep them and that's where our success is going to happen. In the coaching training, I took them they called them turtle steps that are so small, you barely notice you're making a change. So, let me give you an example of that. My boyfriend Jeff has decided to do the whole 30 diet for 30 days. It is a clean diet that helps eliminate sugar, processed food, and grains. He's had some inflammation and some health issues. And so, he's doing it for that reason. I don't have those same issues, but I want to support him. So, I said I do it with him, but I may not adhere to it as closely as he is. So, we don't live together. But when we are together, I'm going to adhere to it so I can be supportive of him. Why am I doing this? Because I want to feel better too. And I know when I eat healthy, I feel better. In fact, I did a podcast last week. If you didn't listen to it, I encourage you to do so with Peggy Curry, who is a wonderful health advocate. She's a coach. She's an author and she's all about eating healthy. And it does make a difference. It improves your energy. So, I've told myself, I'm going to eliminate most refined sugar. And I'm going to take out most grains, but I'm not going to deprive myself if I do want something. I'm also thinking about doing Peggy's seven-day cleanse, which isn't as strict, but I've done it before. And it has been a wonderful reset for me. She also has a 3-day or a 21-day if you're interested in that.
Laurie James
Number four, don't do any of the above. And allow yourself to just exist. The other day, a friend sent a great Instagram, to a friend group that I'm in. And this really resonated with me because this is an area in my life that I've had to work on. And in this post, it quoted Elizabeth Gilbert. And I'm going to summarize this, but it said, you aren't required to justify your existence on Earth through constant improvement. You aren't a Fortune 500 company. You just get to be here. You just get to exist. So, as I say that, I'd love for you to take a moment and tap into your body. And as that sits with you, does that make you anxious? Does it relax your body? I know it helps me relax to not have that pressure on me. But again, I know everybody's different. I am a to-doer. And at times, that's been a great motivator for me when I was raising my four kids and taking care of my parents. I would go go go, do do do. But it's also caused a lot of low-level anxiety in me. Much less now because I've worked through it, I know how to recognize it and listen to my body. But in the past, it's been hard for me just to relax, to just be present. And just to enjoy the company that I'm keeping or a vacation.
Laurie James
Another post I saw that resonated with me that I really loved was every year we make a resolution to change ourselves. This year, make a resolution to be yourself. I love this because I believe we are all born whole and our life experiences chip away at that wholeness, in its, I believe it's our work to come back to that wholeness and back to our authentic selves. So, make a resolution to be more yourself.
Laurie James
So, just to recap my four ways to ease into the new year, ditch the New Year's resolutions. Instead, ask yourself what you want more of or what you desire. Number two, ask yourself these three questions. How do I want to feel and 2024? How can I use this as my guide to find more joy and happiness? What's one thing I can do every day that will help me feel the way I want to in 2024? Number three, honor the process that works for you. Everyone is different, all of our brains process differently. So, if that's doing a vision board, do a vision board. If that's setting goals for yourself, honor that. If that's doing nothing, and just allowing what comes your way and deciding in that particular moment if that's right for you, that's okay too. Or number four, don't do anything. Because we don't have to justify our assistance with a goal, with self-improvement, or a long list of things we need to accomplish this year.
Laurie James
So, I hope today's episode helps you ease into the new year with more peace and joy. I know it's been a great reminder for me. And if you need help with how you'd like to feel in 2024, reach out, I do have a couple of one-on-one coaching spots available. And for those who are of you who are interested in dating, I'll be launching my Date Differently in Midlife course in March, and we'd love to have you join. So, feel free to reach out if you have any questions about any of the above. And that's all for now, Freebirds.
Laurie James
Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions of a Freebird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a Freebird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at lorieejames.com to learn how we can work together or to sign up for my newsletter so you can receive tips on how to date in relationship differently and ultimately find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe, rate, and review, and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act also. Until next time.