Laurie James 00:07
Welcome to Confessions of a Freebird podcast. I'm your host, Laurie James, a mother, divorcee, a recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go, a therapy junkie, relationship coach, somatic healer, and now podcaster. I'm a free spirit and here to lift you up. On this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions, and empowering conversations with influential experts so you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds and turn up the volume. And let's get inspired because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose-driven life. One confession at a time.
Laurie James 00:56
Hello, Freebirds. Thank you so much for being here today. And you are going to enjoy this podcast because if you are looking for a mindfulness boost and a change of perspective, you are in the right place. So pop in those earbuds and allow my guests and I today to join you on your walk or while you're cleaning your kitchen or whatever it's doing. I have to confess when I met my guest today, Kathy, we talked about midlife and midlife mindset and realized we feel so much the same way about midlife and what it can bring for us.
Laurie James 01:54
And so without further ado, Kathy Batista is a mindset mindfulness and mood coach for women. She is a go-to coach for midlife women. She believes midlife isn't based on your age. It's a phase of our life and can be the best one yet. Cheers to that. She is a certified life coach, thought coach, and Quantum Time technique and mindfulness facilitation coach. So welcome, Kathy. And thank you so much for being here with me today.
Kathy Batista 02:32
Oh, thank you, Laurie. I'm so thrilled to be here.
Laurie James 02:35
Yes, I'm so excited to dive into all this yummy stuff, that Quantum Time Technique, and some things I haven't really heard about. So I'm so excited for you to share. But before we get started with all of that, can you tell our listeners just a little bit more about your journey and what you've discovered on your life's journey as you have approached midlife, or now that you're in midlife tell us a little bit more about that.
Kathy Batista 03:08
Yeah. So my midlife journey began before I even like knew I was in midlife, right? It's always interesting to talk to people about how midlife is this huge chunk of time, and it's generally your late 30s, like 35 to like 70 years old. And so for me around like 37, 38, it's this perfect storm if you will. You've got perimenopause.
Kathy Batista 03:38
And at that time, I had no idea what perimenopause was, or even if it was a thing or anything. And then I believe I subscribe to the fact or the belief that we go through these transitions and one of them is around the age of 35, 36, 37. And so this transition is happening, perimenopause is happening, I was a mess. I felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually a mess. And I had no idea why. And I just felt miserable every day. And when you can't put your finger on it. For me, what happened and I see this with a lot of women is it creates guilt and shame because we can't figure out why we're so unhappy. Right?
Laurie James 04:31
And if we can't put a finger on it, it's really hard for us to try and solve the problem or find the pieces of the puzzle to put back together.
Kathy Batista 04:41
Totally. Yeah, definitely. And so I approached these feelings and this whole issue and feeling guilty with a lot of self-soothing. I drank too much, I ate too much, I shopped too much, and I did anything to numb and hide those feelings. And anybody that goes through this, you get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and wondering, and thinking I can't be the only one, right?
Kathy Batista 05:10
So then lots of different modalities crawled out of this hole. And I was in a coaching session with my then coach, and I said, oh, my gosh, I could do this, I could totally coach women. And this doesn't have to be like this, these transmissions that happen, don't have to be like this. And like you were saying in the beginning, it's not so much an age like we can't quantify it really. And within this timeframe of 35 to 70. I can guarantee we're going to go through numerous transitions, why not learn how to navigate those, so that they don't all have to be these tumultuous times and ascending moments? Yeah.
Laurie James 06:00
Yeah. No, I love that mindset. Because it's so true. And I just think about my own journey of how I got here. It was a little bit different, but I do I went into menopause early, like I started perimenopause, when I was around 40, and by the time I was probably 43,44, I was in menopause. And that's such an awful place. And I was thinking like, my 40s are going to be fabulous. Like, my kids are getting older, they're in high school, they're more independent, I'm going to have more freedom, and I can figure out what I want to do in my next phase of life. And oh, no, the universe God, whatever had a different plan for me for sure.
Laurie James 06:46
And so it's like, how do we navigate not only how we're feeling physically, because of the changes, women go through between Peri menopausal, and as we go through menopause, which can be a very long period of time, and then post-menopausal, which also has its effects, depending on if you're doing hormone replacement, or not doing hormone replacement, or you need to go off your hormone, rip, whatever it is, that's another transition, then you have these outside forces of teenagers, you have four boys, I have three girls, that's a very difficult time of as they're teenagers and starting to go to college. And then I don't know about you, because we didn't really touch on this. But if you have aging parents or just extended family that starts having health issues. How do you manage that when you feel so crappy inside?
Kathy Batista 07:49
Totally. Yeah. All of these are extremely valid points, and they need to be talked about. And that's why I think what you and I do, respectfully is so powerful, because we are saying, yeah, let's do this together. And it's almost like there's no handbook right? Now, we say this might happen, or this could happen, right? Or this might be why this and I found out that there were like, 75 symptoms of perimenopause. I was like, this is ridiculous.
Laurie James 08:23
How do you release that? I've never heard 70 hives.
Kathy Batista 08:27
Yeah, everything like itchy skin. Well, it makes sort of sense. And I'm not in the medical or scientific field, really. But we have estrogen receptors all over our body. And so when that starts to decline, we have a lot in our heads. And so that's why we feel these emotional imbalances. We have it on our skin. So some people have itchy skin.
Kathy Batista 08:51
But still, it's this, for me, it's saying, we can help each other and say, these are ways to navigate some of these physical, emotional, spiritual events that are happening and it is so true, just like you it early perimenopause, and I was done with perimenopause, and then I'm postmenopausal now, but I'm like 47 is when my periods stopped, and I'll be 50 in just a couple of weeks. So yeah, it is navigating these times.
Kathy Batista 09:29
And I don't know about you, but when I was younger, menopause was like, for way older people. Yes, totally way older people. And it was like the only thing that you thought was going to happen was your period would stop or maybe you'd get a hot flash or two. So then to be bombarded with all these other symptoms hold the symptoms. And so I think that it's back to that, age-old saying of knowledge is power. So the more people we can explain or help through these moments, the better.
Kathy Batista 09:30
Yeah. So what did you do during that time to get over that hump? Or through that transition? As you talk about. And is that similar or different to how you help women navigate that transition? So there's probably two questions in there.
Kathy Batista 10:34
Yeah, I do not encourage people to handle it the way I did. And I was in that state and in those behaviors for probably a good six, seven years. And it's when you are self-destructing and self-sabotaging. It's devastating for everybody, and you're living in this state. I do not suggest eating and drinking and shopping till your heart desires. I don't. My husband, he's still laughs. He didn't realize I don't think the extent but he used to call the dining room table shipping and receiving, because I was just like, it just stuff was coming in and going out. Yeah.
Kathy Batista 11:21
So the way that I help people is what happened after those kinds of last few years of perimenopause. And then now these couple years, few years that I've been in menopause. And it's really, we want to realize that we're all individuals. And so the things that light me up, or the pads that I've taken, may not help or even excite anybody else. So that's the beginning let's talk about right now, what are some values that are missing from your life? What are some values that you can express? Or let's look at your strengths. Like, I believe that we have a lot of values our whole lives, and we have a lot of strengths. But right now, what are your top values? And right now, what are the strengths that are just waiting to be used? So it's really individual and we can work on those.
Laurie James 12:20
Yeah, know I love that. That is such a great place to start. And I'm sure you have probably a little freebie I know I do on my website and there in the show notes about your core values, right? What are our core values? So it's a little exercise about what your core values are. So I started working with a coach, the very first coach I worked with, was right. I started working with her as I was leaving my marriage. And I worked with her for probably the first year and a half, after I was also doing some therapy as well, actually, I stopped therapy after I left my marriage because I needed to find a new therapist, because I didn't want to go to the couples therapist that was helping my ex and I.
Laurie James 13:05
But one of the things that this woman talked about was our strengths. And I don't know about you, but I was like, okay, I've been a stay-at-home mom for 20 years, what are my strengths, I know how to pick up my kids on time at school, I know how to write an email for the PTA. Like I don't know what my strengths are. But she used the strengths finder. It's a wonderful resource that really gets into your strengths. But that was super helpful.
Laurie James 13:43
And then one of the other things that she did that I do recommend for people to do is, and I don't know if you do this, but if you're in a transition, and you're trying to figure out, ask your two or three best friends, what are your top three, or five qualities, or strengths that they see in you, because that's somebody you trust, and you can feel safe with. And really get some honest feedback.
Kathy Batista 14:11
I definitely have heard of that tool and technique as well as talking to the people that you trust, the people that kind of know you the best, right? And it is very helpful. And what I've seen is that a lot of times, we aren't truly stepping into who we want to be in front of other people. And it is a good tool because somebody says, oh, I really see you as somebody who just has this thirst for knowledge. And you're like what I don't, that's not me at all.
Kathy Batista 14:48
And so you're now evaluating how you're presenting yourself in the world, right? And so there are so many tools that you can use to discover your values and your strengths. And what I love about that is that different tools resonate with different people and that feel that way. So somebody might be living really authentically and then asking their friends and families, what values and traits? And what would, how would they describe them, that might really resonate, and then somebody else who's really just want to break out of this mold and this skin, I want to get off of this conveyor belt that I've been living on, might not get the same answers as those aligned answers, right?
Laurie James 15:35
Yeah, that's a really good point, or maybe some of the values that they held prior might be what's keeping them stuck, and they need to change that sightless slightly, my exercise is, I often talk about our core values, like at the core of who we are, they do shift slightly through time, but they're like who we are at the core of us. Like, for me, making a difference has always been super important to me. Even when I got out of college, I was a recruiter, I wanted to help other people. Adventure is a big one for me because I love adventure. I love adventure, travel, and then joy. It's like, why are we put on this earth? I want to find as much joy as I can in life. And when I was in my dark place, I was miserable, probably like you maybe in slightly different circumstances. It's like, how do we get out of that? How do we get out of that?
Kathy Batista 16:37
Definitely. Yeah, I love that. And I love that there are so many values that people can resonate with when they go online. And I have a workbook as well that it takes you through stages of values and strengths. And like you can google values and strengths quizzes for free. And they're amazing. They're great tools, right? But a really fun exercise that I love to just ask people because it might not be a core value, but it gets to something that's missing, right? Or gets you thinking, how can you bring something in?
Kathy Batista 17:16
And that's to say, when you have somebody come into your home, and they walk into your living room, how do you want them to feel? What sense, what vibes do you want them to pick up? And I'm always surprised because everybody thinks that the way they think is sort of like the universal everyone's, oh, I want them to be comfortable, right? And then you're like, no, there's so many people are like, I want them to walk in and see elegance. And I want them to walk in and see chic or I want them to walk in and know that I love my family. There are pictures everywhere.
Kathy Batista 17:54
I want it to be cozy, or I want them to walk in and it's bright and vibrant. And flowers and plants, right? So everybody has their own. I was shocked by this because like it was me I was like, oh, everybody wants to be cozy. But that for me, I was seeking that safe feeling when a quiz was posed to me. So when you think of how you want somebody else to feel when they walk into your living room, and then you have this feeling of this value, we're going to then ask ourselves, where in our lives is that being expressed? Where's it being brought in? And sometimes we can pinpoint it. But then other times work? Like, wait, I don't have that in my life at all. I don't feel that I don't even feel that when I walk into my living room. Right? So then we can devise a plan and work on specifically for you how to bring that value that feeling into your life, and where do you want it.
Laurie James 18:56
That's a beautiful metaphor to bring those values. And I love that aspect of it because our home is a huge representation of who we are and how we show up in the world. I've always taken a lot of pride in my house, and I want it to feel a certain way for me. But I also I want people to feel welcome in my home. So if we use the home as a metaphor. How do you want people to feel when they come into your home, whether that's your physical home or your internal home, in your heart, that friendship or in a relationship? I love that. I love that. So I'm going to change topics here just a little bit. Why do you think midlife can and should be one of the best phases in our lives?
Kathy Batista 20:02
Yeah. Well, I'm one on in it and I want it and I want to be the best. Yeah, selfishly. But I know it can be the best. And the reason why is because of how we've gone through other phases, right? So I always liken it to this, like you're in adolescence, middle school, high school. And in general, I know everyone has their own experience. But in general, this population thinks they have all the time in the world, they can mess up all day long, it doesn't matter, they're in foul like, that won't happen to me. I don't have to make decisions I have all the time in the world, right?
Kathy Batista 20:46
So they really have this feeling that they have a lot of time. And then you go and you're moving into young adulthood, so you're in your 20s, in your early 30s. And you may not feel like you have as much time, but you're acquiring all this life wisdom, you're acquiring relationships and jobs, you might start a family, you may climb the corporate ladder, you're gathering a ton of wisdom. But that also brings a lot more on your plate, so you don't have as much time and now we walk into our midlife. And I just feel like it is this perfect marriage of time and wisdom.
Kathy Batista 21:28
We have this time created by events that we think might be sad, but our children are growing up. There's not that carpool pickup and all of that stuff, right? And we have all these life, lessons, all this wisdom to take with us. So it's just this moment, these, it's our biggest chunk of time that we have, in this kind of like phases of life, bearing wisdom and time. Let's do what you want to do, and know how to use your time know what you like and know what you don't like and experience your life at this moment. It just can be amazing. It's amazing.
Laurie James 22:11
I'm with you. I feel like at this point in my life, I'm happier. And in a better place than I think I've ever been in my life. And it doesn't mean that I didn't love raising my kids, but it's hectic. And then you throw aging parents and caring for aging parents for 14 and a half years on that. And that is just heavy. It's heavy. But I think the other piece too. And tell me how you feel about this. It's also that wisdom. But it's also taking that wisdom of life and learning from it. Right?
Laurie James 22:50
Because a lot of people do get here to midlife, and they're like life fucking sucks. And I talk to people, it's like life sucks like life should be better life should be I thought I was going to have more money, I thought I was going to still be married. I thought whatever ideal they thought in their head. So what do you say to somebody who has that perspective on life, since we're going to be talking made this a good opportunity to transition into that mindset and mindfulness piece? What do you want to say to somebody who might be listening right now about that?
Kathy Batista 23:31
Yeah, I think that everybody's feelings are completely valid. And this person who's saying life sucks, they feel that right now, right there in that and they feel that right now. And then there's an element of this too shall pass. Right? Let's look at what's the opposite of this. Or I almost say like, back to the same question. Like what values aren't being like, there's something missing. If you think your life is miserable, there's something missing. I'm not going to debate with you that your life is miserable. If you think it's miserable, I'm going to allow for what's missing because it doesn't have to be that way. Right?
Laurie James 23:31
And that's a good piece and from the work that I've done somatically, it's okay, sit with those feelings of misery sit with those feelings. Allow them to move through you because I think I believe that if we don't feel we don't heal. So that's the first step of okay grieve whatever it is that is missing, grieve whatever it is that you lost. The marriage, the family that maybe you wished you had that you didn't, the career, the amount of money in your bank account, whatever that is. Grieve that loss.
Laurie James 24:53
Because I don't think our society allows that. But then I love what you talked about is okay. I always said, have your pity party for one, right? Like, we need to feel we need to feel we need to grieve. But then let's put our big girl on. And let's see how we might be able to look at whatever life brings us because I believe that life brings us our experiences. So that way, from a spiritual standpoint, there's a lesson there for us to learn.
Laurie James 25:23
And can we thank that person because as awful as my divorce was, in these eight years in my life, probably longer, I really suffered and was in a very dark place. I don't think I would be sitting here with you, I know I wouldn't be sitting here with you having this conversation, being in a place where I am feeling so much love feeling so much joy, and my life if I hadn't had those experiences, so feel it. And then, you know, grieve it, and think it's, and then start working on that mindset of how can we change that perspective than our life?
Kathy Batista 26:05
Yeah, I hundred percent agree, truly with everything that you're saying that it is this spiritual experience, and that these regrets and resentments that come up, and we harbor them yet 100% we harbor them in our mind, body and soul. And you can feel them in your body and you can feel they are them in your mind, and they disrupt your soul. And they have a message right? Every regret, there is a reason you regret it.
Kathy Batista 26:36
So I want to get to what preceded that regret, right? What preceded the resentment? What was happening that you didn't get, what opportunity was missed? Where were you at in your life? And how did that happen? How did it unfold like that? And that, too, is part of that feeling and healing process that you spoke of. And it really is an opportunity to almost like spring clean.
Kathy Batista 27:07
And it's funny, because what they like they talked about this is like the fall of our lives. So we got to spring clean for fall. Maybe it's fall cleaning, we have to clean up all the debris that fell. But it is a matter of taking inventory and cleaning up the house and saying okay, why do I hold on to this anger and resentment from my first husband? How could I find out what was going on? What wound was that? And what message does it have for me? It is not. It's not easy work. This isn't fun.
Laurie James 27:42
You know, and I want to make that point. Because I don't know about you. But some of my clients, I think that they come to us and they think, oh, you did all this, like how did you get into this place? And like, it's a lot of fucking hard work. And so it doesn't matter whether you're working with a therapist or you're working with a coach, and there are some days I don't know about you, but there are some days I'm like, okay, God universe do not teach me anything today. Alper says that I'm like, Yes. Like no capacity today.
Kathy Batista 28:14
Yes, yes. I call it I need to please. Can I have a week of integration? Slowly learned what you're trying to teach me. And I have clients. I think it's the most beautiful thing. I have clients that I work with that are like, listen, I'm gonna take a month or two off, I'm gonna come back, but I need a break. Everybody needs a break. Oh, my good God. It's almost like having an open sore that you don't let heal. Let it heal. He'll quit picking at it for a little bit. We've put the basket tracer and we've put the bandaid on it. Let's see what happens. Let it work itself.
Laurie James 28:51
And I think that's another really good point. Because I was just in a group last night, I was leaving a group last night, a dating group that I run. And I talked about the Amazon mentality, right? Amazon is a beautiful thing. We order something today, and it's delivered tomorrow or sometimes even that afternoon, depending on if you live in a major city. But we expect everything else to be delivered that fast. And healing does not happen that fast. I also often say it's a journey. It's not a destination. It's like we might need a break. But then ideally, we get back on because it's a journey. And there are lots of layers to that onion.
Kathy Batista 29:38
Totally. Oh, yeah. And it definitely is a journey. And I was gonna ask you, I wonder if you hear this too. But my most successful clients are the ones that in that first call they're like, I'm ready. Because it is this internal feeling that it's like, I am ready. I have had enough and I'm ready. And I know it's hard. I understand this. And we can do this alone. It's harder and it's lonely like everything else, right? I mean, why would you have a party and not invite anybody? Like, it's boring. Do this with people. It's so much better. And that's what we're it's about learning from each other. And having that experience.
Laurie James 30:25
Well, and somebody who's gone through it before you, they have that wisdom, so they can help you. So that way, maybe you suffer less. Right? It doesn't mean that you don't go through the process. But you might stay stuck for less time, in that immobility place.
Kathy Batista 30:45
That's why it's so important. Even now I work with coaches, there's always another level, there's always another step ahead of you on that journey, where there are people who are turning around and reaching their handout to you. So yeah, accept it and accept that help.
Laurie James 31:02
And I think that there's also research that also talks about, especially for women, we are more successful when we're in community, right? And it's not a weakness to ask for support. It's a strength and I had to work through that mindset on myself. Why can't I do this alone? Like, I should be able to do this alone? Like, where did I get that message from? Because I saw my parents doing it alone, because they didn't really ask for much support my mom did. But my dad, which I won't even get into that right now.
Laurie James 31:35
But so, you know, I think there's that piece too. And why are we not worth investing in? And I think there's a lot of people out there, it's like, I should be able to do this alone. And I think that also keeps us stuck for longer. It's okay to ask for support. Yes, it's hard. But with the right coach, they can help you through the process and be really supportive and loving.
Kathy Batista 31:35
Definitely. And my own experience. And what I've seen is that it's not just a matter of asking for help it comes down to so I didn't ask for help for a year or two. Because I was guilty, shameful, barest, right. Why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling this way? When everything on the outside looks amazing. Amazing. Why do I feel so miserable? And I don't even know why. Right? So to say that to somebody is embarrassing, and then you feel guilty that you're feeling this way. And that's shame around that.
Kathy Batista 32:36
And so the more you and I and the more people talk about, this can be hard this whole time period, whether you have your first transition, and it's smooth, and then the second comes and whacks you upside the head, the more we talk about it, the less that has that ability to put shame on people because say, oh, I heard Laurie talking about this. I feel that way. And now somebody's given a voice to those feelings that sometimes we can't describe. And so it's so important to just keep talking about it.
Laurie James 33:11
Yeah, no, I agree. Thank you for being one of those many voices that are out there and talking about this and taking, because I think when we talk about it, it does take the shame away, it takes the sting away. And it makes people not feel so alone when they're going through this because that's one of the things that I felt, I felt so alone going through that this difficult time. And part of it was because what I was going through, a lot of my friends weren't going through yet, because my parents were a little bit older, and they fell sick early. And so none of my friends had really experienced that.
Laurie James 33:50
But also, I felt like I should be able to manage it on my own, which is ridiculous because humans need connection and we need to be supporting each other. And so if anybody's out there listening and feeling that way, you don't have to do this alone. There are people out there like Kathy and I and even if you don't pick one of us to work with there are other people out there, find a friend find a coach, and find a therapist who can help you through this transition. So as we move through this cycle of midlife and we're moving through transition, you've talked about three pillars of growth. Can you share your three pillars of growth with our listeners?
Kathy Batista 34:46
Yeah. And once again, this was developed because I did it wrong. I did it all wrong. So I came upon these three pillars and they do not have to happen in this exact order. But it's good to look at them through these lenses. So I first fell into mindset and thought coaching. And I had all these tools and all these techniques. And it's not like they didn't work, it just didn't set in nicely and it wasn't one hundred percent successful. And I couldn't always count on these tips and tricks to get me to where I needed to be.
Kathy Batista 35:29
So then I said, okay, I need to bring mindfulness in, I need to calm my mind. And I need to have a connection with my soul to make sure that I'm moving in the right direction. And that's what's going to get these mindset tricks to stick. So mindfulness came in, and I'm a Master Practitioner in mindfulness instruction. And for me, yes, mindfulness is being in the present moment with nonattachment.
Kathy Batista 35:58
But it's in that moment that we can connect with our inner soul or inner spirit, or higher power, whatever words you want to give it. And then that's where we can say, we discover what our intentions are and what's missing. So now we have some guidance from our inner source. And we're working on these mindset tools. And this is where you and I definitely converge so the mood came about because I needed a third M word. And mood for me is nervous system regulation. And so mad work and everything that encompasses our body, because I soon discovered that it didn't matter that I knew what my soul wanted. And it didn't matter that I had mindset tricks. If my body was in a constant state of stress, a constant state of fight or flight, you just could not do anything or learn anything.
Kathy Batista 36:56
And so that's where the pillar of mood came in. And I have women that come to me and say, Listen, I've got my mood and my mindset under control. It's mindfulness. I don't know how to listen to that voice, I can't find my intuition, right? Or vice versa, I have some that say, I know, I have this connection with my intuition. But I can't get my mind on board to get to my goals. Right. So it is a little bit of both. But I always make sure with my clients that we're touching on all three pillars because it's essential, it essentially is your mind, body, and soul.
Laurie James 37:34
Yeah, no, I love that because it is so important that body, all of those pieces are important, we need all three of those. But as a somatic coach, that, to me that third piece, when I really started tapping into the mood or my nervous system, that for me, and ever and again, everybody's different, that really connected me, but I work with people that really struggle.
Laurie James 38:02
I think the somatic piece, or that mood piece is one of the hardest pieces, oftentimes, because as a society, we have been taught to think through everything I say this all the time. And it's really when we tap into what am I feeling, and our society has taught us to disconnect from our body. I was even listening to an interview with a woman who's a somatic practitioner the other day, and she was talking about thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
Kathy Batista 38:35
I was just thinking about what you're saying with the thoughts. And sometimes we automatically think our thoughts are what cascade our emotions and our feelings, but it's actually the other way around. If you get really still in quiet, your body's going to tell you something first before that thought. And so it really is so important. The work that you do, and I do one on one, let's call it beginners.
Laurie James 39:06
Yeah, that's okay. Every little bit helps.
Kathy Batista 39:08
Yeah like outsourcing. Like, I get them settled, right? We have tons of tools and techniques. But once you learn how to communicate with your body, you're more apt to go. I've been here before I know what's going to happen. Whereas all of a sudden, if you don't have this connection with your body, you're in your thoughts, and then you're halfway down the road. You're already yelling at somebody, right? Like it's gone. But like you said, we're taught to think of the thoughts as being the leader of this, and it's not.
Laurie James 39:47
No, but oftentimes our thoughts will cause us our bodies, to become more anxious to become stressed, more tense and our breath to be more shallow. And again, I forgot what I was going to say about this interview that I was listening to, it's when we can stop and be more present with what's going on like you talked about in our bodies. Like if we can be present, and tap into, okay, what am I noticing right now? And complete that fight-flight or freeze response that we're experiencing? By being present and noticing, okay, what is happening in my body? And a lot of my clients, like, I hate this, I'm like, I know you do. This is where the change is gonna happen.
Kathy Batista 40:41
Or you're like, where do you feel the hate?
Laurie James 40:43
Exactly. Where is that hate lodged in your body?
Kathy Batista 40:47
Yes, yeah. What does it look like?
Kathy Batista 40:52
You gotta get clear on this. We got to meet this hate where it's at. Right? Yeah.
Laurie James 40:58
Oh, gosh. So Kathy, as we wrap up, thank you for being here. And one thing I do like to ask, at the end with all of my guests is, what's one confession that maybe we haven't talked about or maybe we have, and you want to go a little deeper into, that you want to share with our guests as we wrap up, about your journey, your midlife journey, or just something that you'd like to share as we close.
Kathy Batista 41:29
Yeah, a confession. I don't know, I do think sometimes I'm pretty open with all of this. And I'm not even sure this is a confession about it, really. But that is what I'm continually learning too. And that it isn't like I'm here to say this is the way I'm here to say this is how I did it. And I hope you find it helpful in some way, shape, or form. And so to have that ability to pull back, and I'm not your coaches, coach, I'm not going to say this is what you have to do. And this is how you're going to do it. And I'm going to check in with you next week, I have a whole different way. And it's based on that I'm still learning to.
Laurie James 42:13
But a good coach is in the passenger seat. They're not driving the car, right? That's how I was taught of were guides. But yes, I love that. And that's a beautiful place. Because we're all still learning. We might be ahead of who we're working with or who we're supporting. And we're further down the road. But we're always learning and I'm always learning and I'm of the mindset of the university of life, there's always more to learn. There's always more to experience. So that way we can continue to become either more whole or find more joy and happiness, and more freedom.
Laurie James 43:01
So, where can people find you if they want to connect with you?
Kathy Batista 43:05
Sure. Well, I did just start a YouTube channel, which is so fun. So Kathy Batista Teachings and Tangents on YouTube, and Coach Kathy Batista all over social medias, or just go straight to my website.
Laurie James 43:19
And I'll have all those links in the show notes. So, thank you again, Kathy, for your time. I so enjoyed our conversation, and I know this is going to help our listeners too.
Kathy Batista 43:29
Thank you, Laurie.
Laurie James 43:33
Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions of a Freebird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a Freebird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at laurieejames.com to learn how we can work together or to sign up for my newsletter. So you can receive tips on how to date and relationship differently and ultimately find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe to rate, review and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act also. Until next time.