Have you ever felt trapped by your emotional pain, unable to move past the memories or triggers that are recurring and may even be controlling parts of your life?
Maybe you’re tired of struggling with old wounds from your past that still feel tender when someone says or does something that brings up that familiar constriction or that sinking feeling in your gut.
The good news is that you don’t have to relive the traumatic experience(s) from your past to heal them.
In today’s episode, you’ll have the opportunity to witness a special somatic coaching session recorded during a summit I am part of with Angela Shelton, an Emmy-winning host, filmmaker, coach, and comedian. My short session showcases the transformative power of somatic healing in the present without the need to unpack the story behind her emotions.
What you’ll learn:
- What a somatic coaching session might be like.
- Why do old wounds or our past show up in new relationships?
- Tapping into the sensations you feel instead of your story can lead to deeper healing.
- How Angela handled an encounter with a difficult person and her new perspective on their relationship.
- How noticing what’s happening in your body can be a powerful tool in your recovery and self-discovery.
- How somatic practices can help manage trauma responses without verbal recounting..
Tune in to discover how one simple somatic coaching session changed how Angela handled an encounter with someone who had triggered her for years, offering a real-life testament to the power of somatic healing.
With Gratitude,
Laurie
Click here for my Mammoth Retreat Survey
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Click here for my “Somatic Healing for Beginners Guide”
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL, MEDICAL OR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LICENSED THERAPIST IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LICENSED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL WITH RESPECT TO ANY MEDICAL ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Laurie James
Welcome to Confessions of a Freebird podcast. I'm your host, Laurie James, a mother, divorcee, a recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched A Memoir of holding on and letting go, a therapy junkie, relationship coach, somatic healer and now podcaster. I'm a free spirit and here to lift you up. On this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions, and empowering conversations with influential experts. So you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds turn up the volume nd let's get inspired because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose driven life. One confession at a time.
Laurie James
Welcome back, Freebirds and thank you so much for being here. Today's episode is going to be a little bit different than my other formats. I was recently asked to be part of a summit. And during that recording, the host, Angela Shelton, asked if I would do a somatic session with her. And so what you're going to hear today is part of that summit, and part of my conversation with her specifically, the somatic coaching or somatic experiencing session I had with her. And then I spoke with her the next day as well and you're going to then hear something that happened to her that was very profound that evening.
Laurie James
I'm doing this so you can listen in on what a coaching session with me is like, and how it can help you. In addition, if you're interested in the summit that I participated in, the link will be in the show notes. But it's called The Holy hot, True Summit and Angela Shelton has organized this she's an Emmy winning host, multi award winning filmmaker. She's also a coach and a comedian and it is in honor of sexual abuse awareness month. So I hope you enjoy this episode. Coaching is all about helping people get unstuck. And the coaching training that I went through, there was a big mind body piece to it. And this was when I was still going through my therapy it was before I started my training, but I was always very drawn to the body pieces of really like getting people into their body. Like where do you feel that in your body?
Angela Shelton
Right.
Laurie James
Right?
Angela Shelton
Good question.
Laurie James
What do you notice the all those things?
Angela Shelton
So really, the coaching, I intertwine somatic exercises through my coaching to really help people become more embodied, to get in touch with what the sensations and the sadness that they might feel like you can't feel sadness, right? But where do you notice that in your body? And because then if we can complete that cycle, then that energy releases and that's where the healing happens.
Angela Shelton
Okay, scary. Like at first and I I'm speaking for other people who are hearing this too. Like when you like, oh you're gonna dress what? And as you think about like, I just think about what I'm gonna try to talk about and I immediately am like, what? Maybe not, maybe we don't go there. You know what I mean?
Laurie James
And okay. Where do you notice that feeling in your body?
Angela Shelton
Heart?
Laurie James
Okay.
Angela Shelton
Broken heart.
Laurie James
Okay, so feel. What is that broken heart feel like? What are the sensations? What do you notice inside your heart in your chest right now?
Angela Shelton
Like, pain?
Laurie James
Yeah. I'm sorry. Is it too painful to stay with it? Can you stay with it for a minute?
Angela Shelton
Oh, I mean, I told you I'll walk out of the plank.
Laurie James
Okay, so where exactly is that pain in your chest? Is it in your heart?
Angela Shelton
It's in my heart and my stomach. Like I feel it makes me feel sick to my stomach and my heart feels like daggered like wounded.
Laurie James
Like it's been wounded? Yeah, so can you notice that right now?
Angela Shelton
Yeah.
Laurie James
Can you stay with it?
Angela Shelton
Yeah, it feels like I can't breathe.
Laurie James
Okay, just notice it. Just continued to notice it. If you can, if it's too much. Let me know.
Angela Shelton
So basically, you're just feeling it. That's what you're doing.
Laurie James
Yeah, yeah. But I don't want you to analyze this, I want you to stay with it. If you can, as long as it's not.
Angela Shelton
I'll get into my brain will actually.
Laurie James
So stay with that dagger and I want you to just notice if anything changes inside as you're staying with this pain.
Angela Shelton
Just basically paid attention to it. Yeah.
Laurie James
This is like paint drying. So I want you to stay with it. Okay.
Angela Shelton
Um, it's empty. It feels empty.
Laurie James
Okay, and what is empty? How do you know it feels empty? What does that feel like inside?
Angela Shelton
Hmm, that's good question. This feels like you're trying to get rid of a headache. You know what I mean? Like, you're like, keep thinking about the headache. Yeah. Yeah, it feels tense.
Laurie James
Where do you feel that tenseness?
Angela Shelton
Yeah, I felt like a pain in my heart and my stomach.
Laurie James
Just notice that notice the pain and your heart and your stomach? We want to just stay with it and just notice if it changes at all.
Angela Shelton
What's it gonna change to? We don't know. And this, I guess it could apply to any pain and it's funny you didn't ask me for the story, which is interesting. It's like we can get caught up in our stories.
Laurie James
That's the beauty of somatic you don't even need to go into the story to heal it.
Angela Shelton
Yeah, it feels sad. You said he can't feel sadness.
Laurie James
You can use sadness as an emotion, and you said you feel it in your heart. And just notice like, notice if an image comes up or as you are sitting with this sensation, this tenseness? Yeah, good. That's a resource. What does your body want to do? Yeah, do that again, if that feels good.
Angela Shelton
Yeah, that's funny. I get repeated images of the thing that upsets me.
Laurie James
Yeah. Okay.
Angela Shelton
Like you'll see that again?
Laurie James
Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to experience that. So now, good, a breath is really good that means that you're cycling through and releasing some of that energy that's in your nervous system. We don't want to force it. We want it to be natural. Yeah. Now, I just want you to take a moment and see if you can just notice the chair supporting you underneath you.
Angela Shelton
Yeah. It's hard.
Laurie James
It's hard, okay. And see if you can now go back to this tenseness that you have and see if it's different at all.
Angela Shelton
Interesting.
Laurie James
Is it moving? Is it softening? Is it restricting more? What's happening?
Angela Shelton
Like it's dense, like when I first started, like in the center and now I can feel like it's a little wider.
Laurie James
Good. Let's stay with that. If we can, let's stay with that and just notice it as it's widening. You're doing great. Just stay with it.
Angela Shelton
Yeah, it's really not running away from that feeling.
Laurie James
Yes.
Angela Shelton
That's the key, isn't it?
Laurie James
Which we all do. That was good, you had a nice breath, your shoulders relaxed. That was beautiful, small, gentle, but mighty.
Angela Shelton
That's just feeling it.
Laurie James
Just feeling it. And what do you notice now, that might be different or anything?
Angela Shelton
More relaxing across, it's like more? Yeah, just relax us. Interesting.
Laurie James
So let's stay with that for a couple minutes, and just notice that sense of relaxation that you're feeling?
Angela Shelton
Yeah, felt it's not tight anymore and it's lighter. And I feel that I feel that.
Laurie James
So that is a really short cycle and we didn't even go into your story.
Angela Shelton
Yeah, right? Yeah. Wow.
Laurie James
That's the beauty of somatic healing because we get in our heads and we tell our stories and stories and then our stories then can cause our thoughts and our beliefs can cause our nervous system to even go into sympathetic, and hyper arousal even more.
Angela Shelton
Now, hold on Laurie, when you say hyper arousal, what exactly are we getting? Is that we're going up? Have you been hyper arousal of like, the arousal of the pain?
Laurie James
Of your nervous system of your body, not sexual? Yeah.
Angela Shelton
Because when I feel that I almost said, like oh I feel that every time you leave their house. But it's that sadness, and that I want to cry. I will want to drink and I want to smell.
Laurie James
Smoke?
Angela Shelton
Usually, for me a bike ride or a walk, we'll do a bike ride even better for me. And then of course, I got the story, because it's it's winter, we're still coming out of winter. So it's still cold, what are those like, we can't do that. He was like, whoa, I do have a spin bike.
Laurie James
Yeah and those are what we call resources and everybody's different. So, we have to understand ourselves, that's again going back to the awareness of what works for us.
Angela Shelton
Right?
Laurie James
You know, yoga was a huge, huge resource for me and it was really one of the first times I really even got in touch with my nervous system, which was, you know over 10 15 years ago. I got into yoga, and more of a Vinyasa flow, there's, you know a variety of different types of yoga. But even if you are trying to regulate your nervous system and you have too much energy, and you're up in your sympathetic nervous system, and you feel like you're stuck, doing a relaxation yoga class can help if that calls you. Like, sometimes you have to exert the energy first. So then you can go into a more relaxed state, right?
Laurie James
If you're angry, or grab a towel and twist it. And like, just release that if you feel like if you're revisiting something like you've been attacked or somebody has come into your space, doing boundary exercise, and like holding somebody back. And just like, you know, even if it's a friend or a therapist, or you just push against a wall, again, release that energy. But the key then is to then come back to the body and notice what's happening inside and sit with your nervous system, like you just did. And notice it so your nervous system can regulate because we want to stay in what we call the window of tolerance. You know, and you're here versus going up and down like this.
Angela Shelton
And see, with this pain, it's directly related to childhood pain.
Laurie James
Yes.
Angela Shelton
Do you mean over here? Does whatever they're doing and it causes this thing and that's directly related to, you're not wanting it you're not love about it?
Laurie James
Yes and we cannot have intimate and sexual relationships, where we really feel safe, and tell some that stuff is healed enough? Is it ever fully healed? I don't know. I think that's a really hard if you've had a lot but you can get there.
Laurie James
So that was one of two short sessions that I had with Angela during our recording. And now you're going to hear a clip from a recording that we did the following day, where she's going to share her experience of what happened that evening, and how she felt after our time together.
Laurie James
So welcome Angela. Thank you so much for being here.
Angela Shelton
Of course you got me me at Freebird woman.
Laurie James
Yeah, love it. Though, we all want a little more freedom in our lives.
Angela Shelton
And speaking of, I had a session with you a somatic session with you. And I do feel freeerlike huge, like talking about Freebird I gotta give you some kudos. That was really magical woman really.
Laurie James
Thank you for sharing that and so that was one of my first questions is I wanted to check in with you because this will drop after we recorded this, but we did that session yesterday.
Angela Shelton
Yeah.
Laurie James
So how were you after the work that we did together and can you kind of summarize briefly for our listeners like that session and then also what happened after?
Angela Shelton
Yeah, I will. That's the powerful thing. First, just old, old broken heart stuff that is connected to new people, but it's totally old. And so that was an old wound and I really felt like a lifting and a shifting and a different perspective and a lighter feeling. I definitely felt that that was and I thought about him all day. And I thought like, I thought about the concept of just staying in the pain. Just like just feeling it and letting it go, instead of attaching your story or trying to not be in it.
Laurie James
Or doing something to get away from it because we're afraid of what it might do to us being lame.
Laurie James
We're afraid of feeling like afraid of crying or whatever. Yeah, I'm not afraid of crying.
Angela Shelton
Touching my anger is more of an issue with me actually. That feeling of it was very, just really connected to yourself and soul.
Laurie James
Yeah. So when you talk about you felt lighter after the work that we did. Where did you feel that lightness?
Angela Shelton
For sure myheart, and also my back? Like, I felt like it was the balance. And I talk a lot about like, put your wings on get your dragon wings on like, so it actually felt like a lighter, stronger. Yeah, I felt more powerful in my stance. Let's say that too you know.
Laurie James
Beautiful.
Angela Shelton
And then I was faced that evening, somebody different than what we were technically working on, but it's all connected to everybody.
Angela Shelton
Mm hmm.
Angela Shelton
And I was faced with something that was a repeat offender. Let's say like somebody who has for years, literally years, just sporadically, usually weekly, that for a while, but then it got down to a couple of months will go by. And it always is connected to whenever I'm doing something great. I'm doing something cool. I will get like this whole attack and it's like, you're so fucking stupid, you pathetic piece of shit. You're never gonna get mount to anything. You're so stupid. You fall for every trap, blah, blah. You're never gonna get anything done in your life. It's a whole thing, right? And I just had this. Well, you're talking about yourself to yourself?
Laurie James
Yeah.
Angela Shelton
And I just had this moment. I was like, wow you know, for years. I believed him.
Angela Shelton
And you would probably tell me if I'm wrong. Rigored and have that right. Yeah.
Angela Shelton
My heart did not raise my I didn't get upset. I just was like, yo, you're obviously talking to yourself about yourself. That's not me and I'm not even taking that on anymore and I just didn't feel a connection at all. I just walked away and then he continued to yell at me as I walked away. And in fact, I saw it as more from an empathetic place of like, wow, you really are not in a good space. If you're telling on top of everything. It's me. It's me, me of all people. You're telling me I'm a piece of shit. I do nothing in the world that I'm not worth anything, really? Is that really?
Laurie James
You're doing great things in the world?
Angela Shelton
Are you on my email list? Apparently not. You know what I mean? Somebody in my life that just, I believe loves me so much that they hate me.
Laurie James
Yeah. And well, and you typically, it's a reflection on how they feel about themselves, right? You're I mean, and you said that and not so many words. But when somebody is spewing like that, they're so unhappy with themselves that they're spewing at you how they feel about themselves typically. But what happens is because he's gotten a rise out of you in the past, he's going to continue to target you because it for that moment it makes him feel better. Not in the long run, but in the moment then that makes him feel superior.
Angela Shelton
Right?
Laurie James
And the fact that you didn't react the way you did, he's probably thinking, oh shit, what's going on with her? Why did she react the way that she normally reacts? I'm not getting that feedback that I need.
Angela Shelton
Right that I've now cowering, upset, I'll run away. I just walked away powerfully and also, I'm like, it's kind of pathetic, really?
Laurie James
Yeah.
Angela Shelton
They would love like a like, it's like I say that with empathy instead of taking it on with it. It's about me and I believe it was such a perfect time. It was such a gift from God. Thank You that I had that session that day. So I already had said you didn't trigger an old wound because my dad used to do the same stuff like Google blue moves, turn the table who like Shrek?
Laurie James
Yeah.
Angela Shelton
Maybe you don't get the good side.
Laurie James
Right, right?
Angela Shelton
I actually had the good side with my dad, ironically. But the good side of Shrek but yeah, those that's like big outburst and it was really great to have. I'm sort of glad that happened actually like I had your session and then I've experienced that and perfect to be on your show it's Freebird, right? It's free from getting entangled into somebody else's shit.
Laurie James
Right? And isn't that what we all want is to be able to let it bounce office and send it back with love of like, I have empathy for you. I'm sorry that your experience, but this is not my stuff. This is yours for you to deal with. I have my own stuff and your healing your stuff. So thank you for sharing that story with me and our listeners.
Angela Shelton
Well, I think a lot of people go through it. Do you think that somebody like me who talks about domestic violence and stuff wouldn't have anything like that happened? No, no?
Laurie James
Yeah, it does. Unfortunately, it happens to all of us.
Angela Shelton
I've noticed years and years ago, I had a pattern and he was like my last one because it's been years since that. So I'm not with that anymore but at a pattern of angry men until I realized I was angry. And then I suddenly when I started focusing on my own anger and like expressing it and like doing like a 10 mile bike ride or like something we could like.
Laurie James
Get the anger out on like.
Angela Shelton
Will intensive like ecstatic type dancing or like, like hard just to get out anger. It works, to get it out of your body really does.
Laurie James
Yeah, it's amazing and you know people think that this is woowoo shit. But here's an example of how it work and people keep coming back. So there's obviously some some really good stuff and somatic experiencing and somatic healing is really getting more and more well known within the therapy modalities. And I think one of the reasons is because somatic experiencing is one of the trainings that isn't just opened a therapist, it's open to coaches, it's open to anybody who might be a first responder to doctors, to acupuncturist, to yoga instructor, anybody who has a service type business.
Laurie James
Yeah and it's proven and it's amazing to just see one session. And I think I worked with you for maybe 15 minutes, the first time during our conversation and maybe another 10 minutes. And the effect that it's had so.
Angela Shelton
So great.
Laurie James
Yeah, so thank you.
Laurie James
So that's an example of how gentle yet powerful somatic coaching can be. So if you're interested in hearing more of my conversation with Angela, you can click the link in the show notes to sign up for her Hot Holy Summit that is starting next week. I do want to note that she is not a mental health professional and she is talking about some very deep trauma topics around sexual abuse and she is a producer editor in the film industry. She's a coach, she's a comedian but she is not a mental health professional. So just make sure you take that conversation for educational and entertainment purposes, not to replace a mental health professional.
Laurie James
And if you're interested in working with me somatically and signing up for a somatic coaching session. I'll put a link in the show notes for you to sign up for a short half hour discovery call to see if working together is right for you. In addition, I have two links to two different surveys, one for a retreat that I'm planning in the fall. So if that speaks to you, please give me your feedback and the second one is a somatic course that I'm in the process of creating. And I would love your input and feedback on that. Those links will also be in the show notes, and I look forward to hearing back from you.
Laurie James
Until next time Freebirds. Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions Of A Freebird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a free bird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at laurieejames.com to learn how we can work together or to sign up for my newsletter. So you can receive tips on how to date and relationship differently and ultimately find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe rate and review and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act also. Until next time.