How to Navigate Life Transitions with Confidence and Clarity with Kathy Batista

Life is full of transitions, both big and small, especially as we step into midlife. 

Our kids leave the nest and we hopefully become free birds, not empty nesters. Sometimes, they come back and need a soft landing spot. We might move to a smaller home, or we might be going through a larger life transition such as a divorce or the loss of a spouse.

No matter what phase we are going through, it always brings a new set of challenges and opportunities for growth.

Join me, along with Kathy Batista, on this heartfelt journey as we explore the twists and turns of life's transitions and how to navigate our relationships with ourselves and our children as they enter adulthood.

Here’s what you'll discover:

• How to manage the boom-a-rang college kid and still maintain harmony at home.
• How to lean into the unease instead of moving away from it so you can embrace change instead of resisting it. 
• How to strengthen your emotional resilience by tuning into your body's signals, helping you adapt to changes smoothly and healthily. 
• How to effectively communicate and set boundaries with your adult children.
• The 3 H’s that can help any relationship at any time. 
• Ways you can find yourself again after your kids leave for college.
• Tips on how to explore personal interests and passions. 

Tune in to gain tools and inspiration from Kathy and me so you can thrive during these transitional times and create a joyful, purpose-driven life.

Much love,

Laurie

These guides will help you take the next step in life. 

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Click here to purchase my book: Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go

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Website

Connect with Kathy:
Website: https://www.kathybatista.com
The Learning Circle Membership https://www.kathybatista.com/tlcfree
YT: https://www.youtube.com/@coachkathybatista
IG: https://www.instagram.com/coachkathybatista/

Episode mentioned:

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL, MEDICAL OR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LICENSED THERAPIST IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LICENSED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL WITH RESPECT TO ANY MEDICAL ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Transcript

Laurie James  

Hey, there. It's Laurie. I have two announcements before we get started today. The first, my next somatic healing class will take place on Wednesday, October 9, at 4pm moved it back a week. So take note of that. This is a virtual online class. I'll be digging deeper into people pleasing the fawn threat response and how to gently move out of that state so you can feel safe, to set healthy boundaries. There are spots available, but they're filling up quickly, so don't delay. It's $48 and the link is in the show notes. Second, if you leave me a review and send me your email in the one way, text link in the show notes, you will be entered into a drawing to win a $50 gift card from me. I will be drawing a name at the end of October, and I will announce it the first Thursday in November. So go ahead and click that link and write me a review and send me your email and the text capability. It is a one way texting capability, so I cannot respond to you. So make sure that your email is correct, and enjoy my conversation with Kathy Batista. We're discussing kids leaving the nest. What happens when the kids boomerang back, and tools to manage your relationship with your kids, so that way you can find more peace and freedom. So enjoy this conversation.

Laurie James  

Welcome to Confessions of a Freebird podcast. I'm your host, Laurie James, a mother, divorcee, recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched A Memoir of Holding on and Letting go, a therapy junkie, relationship coach, somatic healer and now podcaster. I'm a free spirit, and here to lift you up on this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions and empowering conversations with influential experts so you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds, turn up the volume, and let's get inspired, because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose driven life. One confession at a time. 

Laurie James  

Today, I have invited back a guest who has such great energy. She's a fellow coach who I've gotten to know through a spiritual coaching group that we're both part of. And our last episode is actually one of my most downloaded episodes. It's actually in the top five, and it's called How to Turn Midlife Transitions into Your Best Years. I'll leave that link in the show notes for you if you'd like to revisit it or if you need a refresher. But my guest today, Kathy Batista, also coaches women in midlife, and believes midlife isn't just based on age, it's a phase of life, and can be the best one yet by tapping into your values and strengths, you can take aligned action to create more purpose and joy, and I will add freedom into your life. So welcome back, Kathy, it's so nice to have you back with me.

Kathy Batista  

Oh, thank you, Laurie, I'm so glad to be back. This is exciting. 

Laurie James  

Yes, well, it's fall, and there's a lot of change happening, maybe a little bit more in your life than there is in mine.

Kathy Batista  

Who knows, right? Yes.

Laurie James  

Well, fall is a big transition time for many, I know, before we jumped on the call, you had talked about you had become an empty nester for the summer, and some things have changed. So we'll talk about that a little bit. Sounds like you've had some kids move back home, but maybe we start with, how was it to I don't want to say empty nester, because that's so negative, right? How was it to be a free bird for those three months? 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, it was actually amazing. We have a home that we all lived in, and then we a smaller kind of beach home here in Rhode Island that we used for vacations, and then when we thought we were going to be empty nesters, we sold our house that we all lived in, and it went very quickly. We didn't even have time to think about it, and the buyers wanted to wait the summer before we closed. So my husband and I took advantage of it and moved down to the beach house, and left the adult boys up at the house, and we thought come September, it was just going to be us transitions for everybody happen all the time. And my boy from transitions, and now we're living with two of them in this smaller home, so it feels like even a bigger adjustment than just going from empty nesting like they leave right and now it's like this smaller place, and it's challenging. 

Laurie James  

Yes, and so first I want to ask you about the period of time when you were a free bird for the months, and maybe we can tap into some things that you've been doing to adjust to the change, right? Because change is something especially unexpected, change you've had a lot. So how was it for you when you moved down to the beach house, when it was just you and your husband? And because moving is a stressful experience too. 

Kathy Batista  

Oh yeah, definitely. I mean, as you know, speaking to divorce, moving, divorce, death, birth, all of these biggies are, like the most stressful things in our lives, and they actually happen all the time. So it is really important what you talk about, how we can create some nervous system resiliency, some emotional resiliency, because change is always happening for all of us, right? And so to answer your question, it was amazing. It was refreshing what I'm speaking to as being quote, unquote, empty nesters, living just my husband and I, and it was very calm, and I felt very organized. I knew what was in the refrigerator at hold. It just felt very stable, almost right. It's because really, as for me as a mom, you're caretaking and you're making sure things are okay, even for your adult children, we do this, but then when you're not, it's almost like this mental load is released, and it's not whose laundry is in the laundry machine. It's like, do I feel like I want to do my own laundry, right? 

Laurie James  

And you don't have to worry about turning somebody else's laundry around. That happens to be you're like, Oh no, okay, now I'm doing my laundry and your laundry.

Yes, and I get very cynical, like, I'm like, Oh, how convenient your laundry is low. Fine, right? Yeah, how convenient you bring all your cups from your bedroom when the dishwasher is running. Yeah. So it was wonderful. It was wonderful. And then in the work that we do, knowing when one of my sons has decided to take a semester off of college, and we thought he was going to be going to college. He's home now. And then we have a 23 year old who was going to rent an apartment, but then that fell through. So now we have a 20 and 23 year old living with us. And so being in the work that we do, it was really almost like watching the weather forecast like I was going, Oh, it looks like in five days, there's a storm gonna come. I was like, waiting. It wasn't just being surprised. I was going, okay, my nervous system is going to take a hit when this happens. And I know it, and I know I gotta, kind of like any storm, make sure that my reserves are up and make sure that I'm ready for it. 

Laurie James  

And, yeah, so how do you do that? How do you prepare your nervous system and mental and physical outside of keeping the refrigerator stocked and those types of things, like, how do you manage that? 

Kathy Batista  

So the way that I have learned works best for me and my clients is that we can do all the mindset work under the sun, but if your body is not ready to take that information, it's just not going to work right. So there's a lot of practical tools and tips and how to have this conversation and how to move through this change. But if I am dysregulated in my autonomic nervous system, everything's going to look like a threat to me. So I knew that was what I needed to do, was really to get honed in on what I needed. And so it really was protecting the time of day where I walk and where I knew I needed to get my walk in, and knowing that there's certain things that I like to do for my day, and so knowing to carve out that time and make sure that those things are available to me the space to do it in. The time do it in. And some of that has had to shift because being by myself, sometimes it was dancing to loud music, and that didn't fly too well with a 20 and a 23. They're cramping my style or no, it's really making sure that I do the things I need to do that I know will set me up to start doing those mindset and mindfulness tricks. 

Laurie James  

Yeah, that's such great awareness on your part, too, and checking in with our bodies and just on this is a much milder piece, but for me, so my boyfriend is with me this week because his place is getting work done and just on the same. You know, it's the same, but different, but it's like I've been on my own now for almost six years, and although we spend three to four days a week together, evenings, it's still I have that alone time. And I was reflecting with a friend that I'm noticing a difference in my body. And like, wait a minute, there's this other presence, this other energy in my house. And my house isn't big. I live close to the beach, so it's a smaller house, but there's two adults, two dogs. We're both working from home, you know, two big dogs, and that just changes, you know, that energy, it's like, okay, and you know, I'm used to just going about my day, as well as when I reflect back on my marriage of 26 years, my ex husband worked a lot, and he worked out of the house, and he traveled. So I had my house. And then, you know, when your kids, because I stayed home, your kids are gone for a stretch, and as they get older, it's a longer stretch. So I had this time to myself, and so it's like, okay, so how is that showing up in me and turning that inward? It's like, Okay. And how do you protect your time for yourself? Because, as we know, we do need to put our oxygen mask on first and take care of ourself and our needs first so we can show up for those that we love. So it can feel unnerving, unsettling, because it's a change from a nervous system standpoint, but it's like, over time we have to be gentle with our nervous system. It's like what we talk about somatically is we want to stretch our nervous system. We don't want to stress it, right? So how in these moments can we stretch ourselves just a little bit right? Or from a coaching mindset, it's like, you know, that gross mindset of pushing yourself a little bit but not stressing yourself, not saying, Okay, I'm gonna whatever do 14 things I'm gonna do two. Because, you know, you're not gonna be able to stick with changing 14 things in your life, right? 

Kathy Batista  

Oh gosh, yes, never.

Laurie James  

And just like, notice, and it's like, okay, so then, if this is different, and your kids are going to be with you for a little while, minds only for a week. So, you know, that's a little bit different. I know that there's an end to it, you know, how do you adjust? You know, over time, your nervous system will adjust to it. You know, I can remember even like when my kids would come home from college, like they'd be home for the summer, and then they'd leave. It's like there was an adjustment period, right? It's like it took a couple of weeks, maybe a month, to adjust to it, and then it would take time to adjust when they left.

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, it's that resiliency. It's being able to kind of move through the waves of what's happening, and not allow that Undertow to take you, right? Yeah, it's definitely the awareness, right? If you have a connection with your body to start with, you'll have an open line of communication, and your body's going to say, Hey, I'm uncomfortable, right? And you're going to be able to recognize that communication and say, All right, I need to do X, Y and Z. And sometimes that might not look as pretty as like we want somatic work to look right. Maybe it is screaming into a pillow. Maybe it is stopping right, like, maybe it's not a whole bunch of ohms and like peace symbols. Sometimes, I think the biggest part of doing work for our mind, our body and our soul is one, having the awareness to do it, and two, to have compassion, to accept what it looks like for what it looks like for what it looks like. 

Laurie James  

Yeah, well, said, well, and it also it's going to depend on if you get uncomfortable and you have that sense of unease, or unnerving, or whatever you want to call it, in your body, that you're feeling like this just feels differently. It's like your body might go into a threat response, and that could be a fight, it could be a flight, or it could be a freeze state, right? And so recognizing which state you might be in, and if it is a flight, you give yourself permission to go for that walk, to give yourself that space, right? If it's the fight response, it's like, don't take it out on the individual complete that need to fight, because I'm more of a fighter, it's like, so, yeah, so sometimes I hit things like, that could be playing pickleball and like getting mad. Whatever it is, and getting that energy, you know, going to the gym and pumping, doing a body pump class, or you something physical, right? But then also really allowing yourself to then sit with the sensations, it's like, and letting your body, you know, down regulate. It's like after you do that, like what checking in with yourself and noticing what's happening in the body that's so important that helps to release or discharge that energy that we might feeling that's so important for us to release. So we've talked about turning inward a little bit more when we've had this change or this life experience. I know one of the things that I really struggled with when I was going through a lot of change with my kids, and my kids finally left the nest or and I became a free bird. I felt like there was a part of me I'd lost a part of me through my parenting, for sure. You know, when I was staying home, giving so much to everybody else, not really outside of taking care of my family and taking care of my parents, which was a big job and took an emotional toll on me through that process, I lost myself. Did you ever have that experience through?

Oh, yeah, definitely, yeah. I had that experience when my kids were younger. I would say when my youngest was in kindergarten, and then he was at school most of the time, and then having the four boys all of a sudden, it was like quiet, and it was like, all right. And I fell into this trap of like, okay, I'll eat and watch Real Housewives. I didn't know what the heck to do with myself, right? And it was like, What did I used to do? What do I want to do? What could this look like, right? And for me, it really wasn't this quick little thing. I mean, I actually was pretty, I would say, self destructive, right? I got so that I just started really drinking a lot, drinking and eating a lot. The communication with my mind, body and soul, was all right, we're uncomfortable. What do we do? Oh, okay, the last thing I did that helped when I relaxed, was drank, right? And so then it just really got into a place of unhealthyness, because it's my go to. So thankfully, through therapy and coaches and different recovery programs like I don't use that as my release anymore, but definitely when my kids were young, it was that feeling of being lost. You really just lose who you are and where you want to go and really what your values are, right? I was so wrapped up in making sure that these four little people were on their way and they had their values that I actually, now at 50, know that it was really almost a very pushy type of parenting, because everybody comes here with their own agenda onto this earth, is my feeling now, right? And so it's really a different experience to sit back and watch your children make their own mistakes and find their own way, and you may be biting your nails the whole time, and my husband and I often joke about it, and it's not really a joke, but it helps us release some of these tensions around it. Is like we just say, Oh, my God, I'm imagining him in a cardboard box right now, like, like, they're making decisions that are just going to end up like, not what I would, quote, unquote, say successful, right? But definition of success is different for everybody. And so, yeah, I found that there's a lot of power in allowing the people in my life to be who they are.

Laurie James  

And that is really hard, and I know we digressed from the ritual that I want to get back to, but just on this topic that is really hard to do, because we only want the best for our kids, so when we see them making a mistake, we want to come in and rescue them. It's like, well, don't do that. But when you think about, and I think about when we learned our lessons, it wasn't because somebody told us what to do, right? And I always say there's two types of people, and I have kids that are both the type that well. So some people can take that information that somebody is giving them and learn from it and say, yeah, that doesn't sound like I want to do it. And then there's other people that can't. So I always talk about two types of people, and I mostly focused on my kids with this the type of person that you say, that's a hot stove, so don't touch it. And you have the kid who's like, well, how hot is it? How long can I put my finger on it? Maybe I can put my whole palm on it. Oh, fuck, that's really hot, right? Or you have the kid that you say, and it doesn't have to be a kid. There's adults that are like this too. They need to experience something. Or you have the person who's like, Oh, that is a hot stove. I can see it's hot. I can feel the heat radiating from it, so I'm not going to get near it. I had kids that were both, and I think there's times in my life, I mean, I've definitely had to touch that hot stove many times to learn my lesson. I don't know about you, but there's also times when I'm like, Yeah, I can see the trajectory of this. Like, I don't want to do that, and I'm trying to move towards the latter more and more, right? Because it doesn't feel good to touch that hot stove and then to get third degree burns on your hand, and then have to heal from that. That's not fun. And the somatic work that it takes to heal from that, metaphorically, yeah. So avoid touching the hot stove, if you can. But going back to also like losing ourselves, especially as women like I loved being a stay at home mom. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I wanted that, and I loved being there for my kids when they came home from school and listening to all the conversations in the car pool and helping them guide them and all along their path. But I did. I completely lost a part of me between raising my four kids and taking care of my parents for 14 and a half years, and that was hard to come out of, right? It took time, and it took me trying many, many different things to really feel like I found my place. And even on a smaller level, it's like I'm still trying new things and adding different courses. I'm taking different training and offering different things, but that's growth too. So if you're listening for our listeners out there, be patient with yourself. I mean, I was on a I'll just share a real quick story. I was on a girls trip with a bunch of my girlfriends for a couple birthdays, and there was a woman that came and recently went through a divorce. She's more of acquaintance, but she recently went through a divorce, and she was a stay at home mom to four kids, similar to us, but she that weekend, she was like, I need to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. And I was like, wow, that's a really tall order, right? And so we were on a hike one day, and I, you know, I was spent a little time talking to her, and so I'm sharing this story because I think it's important for the listeners. And I said you mentioned that you wanted to try and figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life on this trip. I said, that feels like a really tall order. I said, Can I offer you a piece of advice? And she's like, yes, yeah. Like, she was like, begging. I said, give yourself grace. You don't have to figure everything out this weekend. Like, just thinking about that, my nervous system is like, gone haywire, right? It's like, oh my god, I have to figure out the rest of my life in one weekend. I gotta figure out where I'm gonna live, what I'm gonna do. Like that sounds stressful. 

Kathy Batista  

It sounds very stressful. And all I can say is that it's that saying, right, make plans and God laughs. Just decide what you're going to do for like, next week.

Laurie James  

Yeah or today.

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, let it unfold. Because I do think that there's an element of talking about different type of people. There is an element of, okay, I just need to start right. A lot of people want to start to get motivated, and then that it kind of like snowballs for them, right? So it might not be solving the rest of your life, but it might be going, what do I have a kernel of inside of me that I want to nurture, right? You mentioned during pickleball, right? 

Laurie James  

Like, I have a bunch of friends that are taking up knitting and learning mahjong and bridge and all these different games.

Kathy Batista  

Start with something that is like intriguing, and then let it unfold. And it's not that, like you said, if you try knitting, it's not all of a sudden you're going to be making sweaters for the rest of your life, but it's just a start. 

Laurie James  

Yeah, and see if it really resonates with you, right? And if it doesn't, that's okay. It's not a failure. You just move on to something else. This time in our life is such a wonderful time because we have more time, unless you have boomerang children, but to try different things. 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah. Oh, definitely, right. It really is this time where it's saying, Gosh, I always thought about learning to roller skate. Maybe I should try that now, or thinking about all of the things that you've thought of at different points and- 

Laurie James  

Or something that you gave up as a child, right? That you really love, like, if you were a dancer, you know, you talked about dancing in your living room before, I think before we jumped on. It's like, you'd like to turn up the music and dance. It's like, you know, it doesn't have to be anything, but it's like, go take a hip hop class, or go take a ballet class, something that you loved as a child, that maybe you had to let go of, and kind of, you know, and bring that childlike part out in this I remember my kids said, Mom, you're acting like a child, I'm like, Yeah, I know, like, and I feel really good. 

Laurie James  

Exactly, right? Yeah, that's awesome. 

Laurie James  

Yeah. So what do you do when you do have a boomerang kid that comes back, that maybe is trying to figure things out, that tried something and didn't work, and fortunately, they have a safe place to come back and land, so that way they have that time. How are you helping your kids adjust or, you know, guide them to figuring out what's right for them? 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, so it's very humbling, because I want to fix it. I want to say, let's look at the deadlines. What schools are you looking at? To the my one who didn't enjoy where he was, he wants to try a different school. And then my other one, it's like, have you looked at apartments yet? So I really want to help, and I really want to have our space back again, right? So from my point of view, I've had to really get clear with, why am I frustrated? What's my motivation for wanting to help, right? Why do I need to be in control? Why am I annoyed that these things are happening, right? So it's really getting reflective and going, what is this bringing out in me? And I've learned, I mean, like, we never stop learning. But I've learned so much about myself over these past couple months of having them move back in that it is almost a blessing, because I can tell I'm evolving, because I know some of the situations that happen. I can tell you my knee jerk reaction is changing because of awareness, knowing that being a little more patient. But a lot of it is that interaction with another human being, and when I keep talking to my kids about this, and I say, Listen, you guys have one foot in young adulthood and one foot in adulthood, and it's really hard to know which side we're leaning on right. And so I saw it on another coach's Instagram. I've come up with this way that I say, All right, I don't know what the heck you want or need, and sometimes they don't, and so they'll start talking about something or complaining about something, and it's this phrase of the three H's, right. I don't know if you've heard this, or your listeners have heard. Heard it, but it works so well, and it works so well with my husband, and it's just been such a godsend. 

Laurie James  

You tell I don't, I don't think I have heard this. 

Kathy Batista  

Oh, it's got so it's, do you need to be heard? Do you need help, or do you need a hug? And so I, instead of me going, which foot are they on? Are they on their young adult, where they're coming to Me for guidance and help? Are they on their adult and they're like, leave me alone. I'm an adult. Like, you know, I just want you to hear me and just venting, because you're my go to person. So it really takes the convolutedness of conversations and I just say, Hey, listen, just let me know what you want, because I can, I can do all three for you right now. If you whatever you want, I'm ready, you know. So it's really helped so much. That is- 

Laurie James  

I love that, yeah, just to repeat it. It's, do you need help? Do you need to be heard, or do you need a hug? Love that. Yeah, one thing that I try and not do is that my kids will say I do is I really try and not project what I want for them onto them right. And I think that tool is a really great way to keep us from doing that right. And just reflecting back, I remember when my middle daughter was looking at colleges. She had a tough decision to make, two great schools, and she was torn. And I just said to her, what feels like home? Right? Where do you feel like you fit in? I think that that's so important as we're all making our decisions and which school or which choice is going to put you on the trajectory that you feel a sense of purpose for, right? Because she's gone on to become a lawyer, and she's doing international human rights work, and that was kind of her trajectory from high school, like she did the model, United Nations debate team and all of that, like she's always kind of been on that path. She's not a political person, but, you know, she wants to make a difference in people's lives, but it's so hard. It's so hard to zip our mouth sometimes with our kids. And I often say, little kids, little problems. Bigger kids, bigger problems, right? And I never understood that when my kids were babies, like, how can it be? It's like, oh, it could be really hard, especially, you know, it's like when you have to go drive, when you have to go to Chicago to drive your 28 year old home after a bad breakup and her very anxious dog home from Chicago. 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, yeah, but that's the beauty, like the first what I'm thankful for in my own relationship with my children and what I heard in yours right there is, is that they want to call you and say, come get me. Right? There's a quote in I'm forgetting who even said it. I think it might be, I'm not even going to embarrass myself, but it is, you know, Give them wings to fly home, to make the nest that they want to come home to, right? And so then the freedom like to be able to go, but know that they can always come back. And that is what I think. Parenting for me has been going alright, like even living in this home now with these adult children, I don't want anyone to feel like they're walking on glass, and that was what I was projecting, because I was feeling annoyed, right? So it's that element of that she called you and said, come get me. Is just priceless. It's beautiful.

Laurie James  

You know? It's like we want them to spread their wings so that we then we can spread our wings, like I don't want to be so enmeshed in with my kids, because they are adults, and they have to live their life, and I'm going to continue to live my life and have moments of coming together. But yeah, it's like I often say, what do you need from me? 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, and I think what you just said really struck a chord with me, because it's definitely in a good way. It's definitely in that role modeling, you know, if you and I spread our wings and start these adventures and begin to find out what and how we want to live our lives, it's that role modeling that our adult children can say, all right, I'm seeing somebody walking the walk and talking the talk, and that's what looks good to me, so that it's important for us as women to begin to live the way we want, so that we can become role models for our family. 

Laurie James  

Absolutely, that's such a wonderful point, and I didn't always like. I saw my kids doing things, and I was like, you know? And that was when I was in this place, a feeling very lost, of like, well, but I'm telling you what to do, but I'm not acting on it myself, right? And what better way to encourage our kids to do something then to model it for them, right? That if you start a, you know, if you change jobs, it doesn't mean that that's a failure. It means that it's time for a new chapter, right? And and throughout life, like, whether we know it or not, or, you know, it's not always comfortable, but we're constantly reinventing ourselves in small ways and sometimes bigger ways. But, you know, it's we always have an opportunity to do that. And I just wanted to add a few things here, and maybe feel free to jump in of just, you know, if people are having a little bit more time right now because their kids are in school or kids are off to college. You know, what are some other things that in your mind, I know we talked about, you know, finding hobbies and doing that inner work? Are there other things that you tell your clients or suggest to your clients, or your clients have done, or do you want to share with listeners?

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, I think the biggest thing is sometimes to just sit where you are, right? If the house is quiet and it's bringing up something in you, whether it's a wanted or unwanted emotion, right, maybe it's bringing up excitement, maybe it's bringing up loneliness. Maybe it's bringing up confusion. Sit with it like, almost the advice that you gave to your friend on your girls trip, like, Listen, you don't need to solve this problem tonight. Like, sit and go. What do I want to do? Ask yourself those questions. I mean, maybe even ask yourself, like, if it was me, Kathy, do you want to be heard? Do you want to help or do you want to hug right? Now, what are you need of right? Are you in need of guidance? Are you just wanting someone to hold you in this time of confusion? So really, it's being where you are, right? I often tell my clients this is, keep your head where your feet are. You're not lonely on Christmas Eve, it's September 10, right? Like you don't go there. And then, if we spend time with where we are, it's actually fine tuning those communication skills with your inner self so that you're going to be able to figure this out, because you have a connection to your inner self, to your inner guidance, your intuition, and lead you to where you want to be. 

Laurie James  

Yeah, and I used to hate this at times, but I've come to appreciate it more is we are all right, where we're supposed to be in this moment, right? And, and I was always of one of those people. It's like, when I get here, when this happens, when that happens for most of my life, and I have gotten to a place of like, yeah, I am right where I'm supposed to be. I'm right here having this conversation with you, sharing this valuable information with others. 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's a blessing to stop and be mindful and say, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to be doing, and it will unfold because we have experience that it does.

Laurie James  

In the most beautiful way, if you just trust right? That's the spiritual piece. It's like, can you trust that you are right where you're supposed to be? And if we don't resist, if we don't have that resistance, that everything is going to unfold the way it's supposed to be, not necessarily the way we want it or visualize it, but it's like, does it feel the way you want it to feel? You know? So magically, it's like, okay, I'm trusting, and I'm feeling that it's coming in. I'm feeling safe in this moment, right? And it will flow absolutely. So on that note, do you have any last confessions you'd like to share before we come to a close?

Kathy Batista  

Well, I do want to confess that I have fantasized leaving everybody and buying my own apartment and just, you know, having my own silverware, and, yeah, exactly, knowing that the laundry is empty when I want it. And so I have had some beautiful daydreams and dreams at night about running off and being alone. Okay, but I know it won't ever be the same. 

Laurie James  

And maybe you just need a little vacay, a solo vacay, or solo vacay with some friends.

Kathy Batista  

Right? Yeah, so that's my confession, is that I probably would never tell my kids or my husband that I fantasize, oh my gosh, I wish should write a book. I would love to, literally, like, just pack a bag and leave right now. That's my confession. I'll be okay. 

Laurie James  

That's and just somatically, that's your flight response. It came in. Well, I know that you have freebies, so that might help on this topic. I have a core values exercise that can help at you know, through this process of change, where can people find you and find your freebies? Kathy? 

Kathy Batista  

Yeah, so my website, Kathybatista.com, I'm on all the socials at coachkathybatista, I have a free mindfulness audio that walks you through how to release the past and future worries and really step into the moment. And then also, we have a spiritual women's circle, and I'm offering your first month free, and I'll have those links for Laurie to give you.

Laurie James  

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here again with me. Kathy. I know there's been so much richness and value in this conversation, and I know our listeners will also find value. So thanks again.

Kathy Batista  

Thank you, Laurie.

Laurie James  

Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions of a Freebird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a freebird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at laurieejames.com to learn how we can work together, or to sign up for my newsletter so you can receive tips on how to date and relationship differently and ultimately find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe, rate and review and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act, also. Until next time.