How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed Even When Life Feels Out of Control

If you've been feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed lately, you're not alone. I don’t know about you, but it feels like I've lived through three years' worth of challenges in just the first two months of this year. Even with ten years of energy work, coaching, therapy and somatic healing, overwhelm can still creep in. 

The good news is that I've developed a strong relationship with my body; I can recognize when I'm feeling off-kilter, and use the tools in my regulation toolbox to keep my nervous system in check.

In today’s solo episode, I explore somatic healing and its connection to nervous system regulation. Understanding this relationship will help you manage feelings of overwhelm, allowing you to reconnect with your sense of self and experience more freedom within your body. I also share practical tools to calm your mind, release tension, and strengthen the mind-body connection, making your nervous system more flexible.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• The science of overwhelm and it affects your nervous system.
• How to identify the physical, emotional, and mental signs of stress before burnout occurs.
• Somatic healing techniques to gently release tension and reconnect with your body, especially in response to the sensations that accompany overwhelm and stress.
• A simple mindset shift to prevent anxious thoughts from spiraling.
• The role of trauma healing methods and their relationship to nervous system regulation.
• How to build your own regulating toolbox for daily nervous system support.
• Seven powerful tips to enhance your mind-body connection and bring more peace into your life.

If you’ve been wondering how to alleviate feelings of overwhelm, pop in those earbuds and listen to the practical tips that will help you regulate your nervous system so you can navigate life with more ease and confidence.

Cheers to finding more freedom in your mind, body, and spirit!

Laurie

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Referenced podcast: “We Can Do Hard Things” 

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Transcript

Hey there, it's Laurie. It's been a while since I've dropped a solo episode. So for better or worse, you get me all to yourself today, and if you've been enjoying my podcast, please don't forget to rate and review it in the Apple podcast, or Spotify, or wherever you listen to my podcast, go to my show, not the episode that you want to listen to, and scroll past the seven-ish different episodes that they show you, and scroll down until you see where it says ratings and reviews. Click the little arrow to the right of that, tap the number of stars that you'd like to give me, and even if it's just one or two sentences, you can write a quick review about what you like about the podcast, and it really does help get my podcast out there and reach other free birds. Also don't forget to check out my free core values exercise and my free beginner's guide to somatic healing. Both of those links are in the show notes and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for listening to this podcast, and I hope this episode helps you manage what's going on in your life and all that's going on in the world today. I know what I'm sharing has helped me, and I really do hope it helps you too. So enjoy the show. 

Welcome to Confessions of a free bird podcast. I'm your host. Lori James, a mother divorce, a recovering caregiver, the author of Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding On and Letting Go, a therapy junkie, relationship coach, somatic healer, and now, podcaster. I'm a free spirit, and here to lift you up on this podcast, I'll share soulful confessions and empowering conversations with influential experts so you can learn to spread your wings and make the most of your second half. So pop in those earbuds, turn up the volume, and let's get inspired, because my mission is to help you create your most joyful, purpose-driven life, one confession at a time. 

Hello, free birds. I don't know about you, but I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I feel like I've lived about three years in the first two months of 2025 and yes, I'm someone who has done 10 years of energy work, coaching, somatic, experiencing work, and I, too, can still feel overwhelmed. And I want to say that's normal. I think that I have learned over the years to catch it on the early side so it doesn't get too big and cause dis-ease in my body, which I have talked about many times in the past, when I fell ill after I left my marriage, or if you're new, you can go back to one of my older podcasts that I talk about that in. But I know a lot of my friends are feeling this too. There's a lot going on in our world right now, and it's not only the fact that there's so much going on all the time, and so much information is getting thrown in our faces right now. It's also that our nervous systems need a break from all the stimulation, and I know I've had to step back because so much has happened. As I said, I live in LA with the fires, and I know people that have been affected. I am doing things to try and help, and I'm also not a fan of what our president is doing in our country right now, and he's testing the limits of our Constitution in ways no other president has done previously. And frankly, that scares the heebie jeebies out of me, and it feels overwhelming. And if you have a different political view, that's okay. You can stop listening now. But before you do, I want you to know that this podcast isn't going to be about politics. It's about overwhelm, and I just want to share with you what I am experiencing, in case you can relate right now. And it doesn't matter what side of the aisle that you're on or if you're going through something different that is causing you to feel overwhelmed, like a divorce, like mediation, like the loss of your job, or maybe a family member lost their job, especially with the recent cuts that the federal government is doing, the loss of a loved one, health concerns for yourself or your family, or worry about a family member and what's going on in their lives. So this isn't just about politics. I was just sharing what was overwhelming for me and anything that feels too much too soon, too much, too fast, too much for too long, or too little for too long, can affect us somatically. And in my opinion, that is what Trump is trying to do. He's trying to overwhelm us, and it's a strategy Steve Bannon calls it muzzle velocity. It's about flooding the zone with so much information that we get overwhelmed, and so does the media. And so I'm pulling out all my tools to cope, and they're working, and I'll get to some of those shortly. But before I do I just wanted to share something that I'll also drop this podcast in the show notes. But I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, which is You Can Do Hard Things, which is hosted by Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach and Glennon’s sister, and I love their podcast, and I love them, and I was listening to this podcast on what's happening in the government, and they have a gallie, I forgot her name right at the moment, who has been talking about a lot of what is happening in our government right now, and in our society. And one of the things that they kept talking about, that I wanted to point out, was about staying calm. And although that's important to learn how to return to a state of calm, somatically, we don't want to always be in a calm state, we need to have a flexible nervous system so that way we can move between our sympathetic nervous system, which is activation, mobilization, fight, flight, freeze and I would call within a healthy range, not stay stuck In a fight, flight or free state, and then move into a parasympathetic state, which is a state of calm, rest and digest. So we want our nervous system to be flexible, to move up and down, to mobilize and to come down and rest and not get stuck in anyone. And somatically, when we get stuck and we're overwhelmed, that is a freeze threat response somatically. And what's interesting is, when I've noticed this overwhelm over the last couple of months, it kind of shows up differently in my body, and it's taken me a while to kind of identify that. So if you're feeling certain things and you're unsure, that's okay, but you know so it shows up a little bit differently within my body, but often what I notice is, when I'm in this state is I want to shut down, I want to tuck in. I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and hide, and sometimes I'll move into more of a flight response of like, I want to get out of the United States. I want to move to Canada, like something else. What do you do, though, when you feel overwhelmed, how do you cope? Do you cope with food or alcohol? Or do you shut down like me? Or maybe you disconnect or disassociate, which I'm going to get into a little bit more shortly. But so that's what I'm going to talk about today, is just understanding what overwhelm is, the different ways we react to overwhelm, and I'm going to offer four somatic ways you can manage overwhelm, and I'm also going to give you a coaching tool prior to that, 

First, I want to start with understanding what overwhelm is. So overwhelm can happen when we feel overpowered by someone's thoughts, someone's emotions or something that we sense. It also feels very intense, and it can be hard to deal with some of the signs and symptoms of overwhelm. Physical signs can be, you know, headaches, migraines, other body aches, I know that I had a headache for about a day and a half this week, fatigue, upset stomach, diarrhea, rapid heart rate, difficulty, breathing, even muscle tension, emotional symptoms might look like feeling anxious, depressed, definitely irritable, feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness or helplessness. You might even cry easily, feeling alone, feeling like you lost your sense of humor and everything just like has to be super serious, avoiding friends and family like I talked about tucking in. We can neglect our responsibilities, like doing our laundry and cleaning up of our dishes and taking the trash out. A change in appetite, a lack of sleeping well and again, like using alcohol and drugs to numb what we're feeling temporarily, some of the cognitive symptoms might be difficulty concentrating or making decisions, because our prefrontal cortex is off having a lot of racing thoughts, trouble remembering things, irrational thoughts, because our thoughts kind of get away with us, and we might overreact to small things. So just take a moment here, if you've been overwhelmed, and ask yourself, How have you been responding? Do any of these emotional behavior, cognitive or physical symptoms been showing up in your life? And then how do you react? And can you notice how you react, without judgment, to yourself knowing that you are doing the best you can in this moment? Some of the other ways that you can react might be, you know, disconnecting, disassociating, leaving your body And when we disassociate, it's not necessarily a bad thing, as long as we don't stay there for a long period of time. Procrastination, I know that that's something that I certainly have been doing, which is why I'm recording this podcast on a Saturday. Denial that what is really happening is happening. And I hope this isn't true for anybody but self harm or even anger and aggression. And if you are feeling either one of those things, please seek help immediately. 

So how do we manage overwhelm? Like so many things, it starts with awareness, which is why I asked that question earlier, how have you been responding to what's going on? Telling ourselves the truth about what we are feeling and what we are experiencing, and not saying, I don't want to think about it, or I can't address that right now, that just puts off or shoves things down into the deep, dark crevices within us, for them to only show up in other ways later, like going back to that list of physical, emotional, cognitive behavioral symptoms, they're just going to show up bigger later on if we don't address them. Number two, don't future trip on what might happen or what could happen. I know it's so easy and it can be scary with whatever's happening in your life, whether it is what's happening in the government or if you're worried about a loved one. Reconnect with what you have control over, not with what you don't have control over. And one of my easy favorite coaching tools is noticing our thoughts and if we are having a thought like I'm scared about my financial future, or I'm scared that my friend's going to die, or I'm scared that we are going to lose our democracy. Say that thought I'm scared that we are going to lose our democracy, and notice what you're feeling in your body, if you can tap into any sensations, or where you might be holding some tightness. And then say, I'm having the thought that, and fill in the blank, I'm having the thought that we might be losing our democracy. And check in with your body and notice if anything. Softens or not, or what sensations you might be feeling, maybe that restriction or constriction softens just a little bit. And then say to yourself, I'm noticing I'm having the thought that fill in the blank, and then just take a moment and see if anything softens just a little bit more. This is a great way to remove ourselves and allow ourselves to become more of an observer of what's happening, versus feeling like the intensity and that is happening to us right now, oftentimes when we can remove ourselves away from what's happening and notice the sensations and the feelings and the emotions. It allows us to kind of slow down, and it allows our bodies to process, our nervous system to process what's happening, and that is going to allow this energy in our nervous system to discharge so that way it doesn't stay stuck inside of us. And I love the analogy of a teapot, right? When a teapot there's so much pressure inside of it, what does the teapot do? It whistles and the top blows off and the steam comes out. So the more that we can do that throughout our day, throughout our week, that's going to allow us to have a more regulated and healthy nervous system. And like I talked about earlier, move up into our sympathetic activation and come back down into our parasympathetic, which is our rest and digest state. That's the goal, is to move up and down and up and down. And in order to do that, we need to connect in with our bodies. 

So I want to offer some alternative somatic experiencing practices that can help you with overwhelm based off of the last 10 years of spiritual work I've done energy work, three years of somatic experiencing, practitioning-work that I've done. So the first thing I often  recommend when I'm working with somebody is to create a regulating toolbox for yourself, so you can pull out your phone right now, or if you have a pen and paper handy, to stop and think about the things that are regulating for you, like if you have too much activation or too much anxiety or overwhelming your body, what work for you to help bring you back down more into a rest and digest state. So examples that are in my toolbox is yoga. Yoga is so great for me and my nervous system to slow down and focus on my breathing and focus on slow movement. In fact, I did yoga this morning, and I feel so much better. There's different types of yoga you don't always have to do, like a hard Vinyasa class earlier this week, I did just a stretching kind of a yin class. There's also Hatha and Kundalini Yoga. So there's a variety of different yoga classes that you can use. One of the other ones that work really great for me is just going and taking a walk, walking with my dog every morning and evening. It's very great way for me to get off my screen, get into nature, I often try and stop along the way and notice the sunset or the flowers that are blooming, or another dog and just slow down co-regulating with somebody who you feel very safe with, talking on the phone, talking with a loved one. I often try and connect with my kids at least once a week on the phone, and then we have a group text. That's always very regulating for me, you know, also, like finding a little  laughter in what's happening, because, and crying if you need to as well. But you know, laughter brings levity, and I think it's super important, especially right now. 

And number two, remove yourself from what feels overwhelming and give yourself a break. Give yourself a break from the news, give yourself a break from social media, give yourself a break from upsetting conversations. If somebody asks you about a certain situation and you don't want to talk about it, tell them. I don't really want to have that conversation right now, that feels like too much for me, and that's okay. 

Number three, if you can connect with your body, feel the sensation that you're experiencing. Oftentimes, our first reaction is, I want to move away from it, because it feels scary, because that feeling tells your brain that something there's a threat and it's unsafe, oftentimes. As well as our society and our parents have not taught us to stay with the sensations. They've told us to move away from the sensation. Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about. Go to your room, you know, pull up your big girl panties, like all of those things. We need to learn to tend to what we're feeling and what we're experiencing inside. So the more we can stay with the sensation, whether it's for a minute or two minutes, or you work your way up to five minutes, stay with that, and then just notice what happens in your body. Notice if you take a natural deep breath, notice if your shoulders relax, maybe that restriction in your gut or in your chest softens. That's what we want to happen. We want those tense feelings to dissipate because what that is communicating well, two things. One, that's discharging the energy from our nervous system so it doesn't stay inside us. And two, it's down regulating our nervous system when it's over active. If this is difficult for you to do, that's okay. See if you can just focus on something outside, like a bird, like the birds chirping, and just watch a bird, watch the leaves, the wind blow the leaves on the trees, and just notice that, and notice if anything softens, maybe your shoulders relax after watching that for a couple of minutes. Sit outside and just feel the warmth on your skin as we are heading into more spring-like weather. We want to do things to allow our bodies to move towards feeling more safety within, and sometimes that starts with the external before we can move inward. 

So just to recap, we talked about overwhelm, what the definition is, and how, when we feel overwhelmed, we feel overpowered. What some of the symptoms and signs of overwhelm, both physical, emotional, behavioral, and cognitive, and how we might react to some of those symptoms and signs. We also talked about how to manage our overwhelm, which I will recap here. It starts with awareness. Number two, let's do our best to not future trip. Let's reconnect with what we do have control over, and remember the coaching tool that I shared about saying the thought out loud or to yourself, then say, I'm having the thought that, and then say the thought. And then the third one is, I'm noticing I'm having the thought that helps to remove us, and then from a somatic place again, we want to start with awareness. One, we want to create a regulating toolbox, and that is going to look different for everybody. What helps you feel more relaxed sometimes, if we are, I want to add this. If we are more shut down, we need more activating things or over activated, we need things to calm ourselves. Remember to remove ourself from situations, or from the TV, or social media, or upsetting conversations that might be causing or adding to our overwhelm. Take action, and what I want to share that I didn't earlier is for the first time I have ever done this, is I contacted my congress this week about some things that I have been unhappy, and what's going on in our government, and I felt better after doing that. 

If you can connect with your body and the sensations that you're feeling and see if you can stay with them for a few moments. And if that's difficult for you, just work with what's going on outside. Maybe you look at a picture. Or if you're inside your house, something that brings you joy, or a memory of a great trip, or outside, go outside and watch the birds and listen to them chirp. Stop and smell the flowers. Watch the trees, the leaves on the trees, and the wind blowing through them, and then just notice, if anything changes, maybe you take a deeper breath, maybe your shoulders relax. All of these things help us to regulate our nervous system and allow it to stay healthy, so that way we can come up into activation and down into rest and digest. 

And if you're looking for more information on somatic experiencing, don't forget to download my free beginner's guide to somatic experiencing, the link is in the show notes. I also have some other freebies in there. And I will be offering a somatic healing circle starting sometime in April, maybe very latest, beginning of May. So I hope this helped you feel a little less overwhelmed, and I'd love to hear your comments and your feedback if you did find this helpful. Thank you so much for being with me, free birds, and I will see you next time. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Confessions of A Free Bird. I'm grateful to be in your ears and hearts. If you're interested in becoming a free bird, I'd love to support you. Please check out my website at laurieejames.com to learn how we can work together, or to sign up for my newsletter so you can receive tips on how to date and relationship differently,  and ultimately, find more freedom and joy in your life. If you found this podcast helpful, please follow or subscribe, rate and review and share it with friends so they can find more freedom in their second or third act also. Until next time.